


A Thousand Dreadful Things: Winter

by TheUberhundt (JoanieLSpeak)



Series: A Thousand Dreadful Things [2]
Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Pusher (Refn Movies), Pusher II: With Blood on My Hands
Genre: Addiction, Advent Calendar, Anxiety, Christmas, Confessions, Crossover Pairings, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Hannibal is Hannibal, M/M, Memory Palace, Oral Sex, Parent-Child Relationship, Self-Worth Issues, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:19:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 24,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8720476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoanieLSpeak/pseuds/TheUberhundt
Summary: Set three years after part 1, this set of daily fics follows Tonny, Will, and Aksel as their lives slowly become tainted by the influence of Hannibal who is watching from a distance.Part of the 2016 HanniHoliday challenge.





	1. Gifts from afar

**Author's Note:**

> This is only mildly beta'ed due to them being daily posts. One day I will overhaul this 31 day set, until then, my apologies for how rough these read.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Cookies

“Aksel got a package,” said Tonny, plopping a pile of snowy wet mail on the island for Will to sift through.

Will wiped his hands on his pants before approaching the curious box. “Who’s it from?” Tonny shrugged and continued on his way to the coffee pot. The package had no return address, though it had international stamps and tape, and it was addressed specifically to Aksel alone. Will scratched his face, perplexed. “Should we open it before we give it to him?”

“What are you expecting, a severed head?” scoffed Tonny, “Just fucking give it to him. Who cares what it is?” He was pouring copious amounts of sugar in his coffee and shaking his head at Will who constantly feared the worst of everything.

“Okay, I guess we can do that. Can you go get him?” asked Will, picking up the box.

Tonny leaned out the kitchen doorway. “AKSEL!”

The name echoed through the house and Will cringed as he cradled his eyes. “Fucking hell, Tonny,” he snapped. _“I_ could have done that, Jesus fucking Christ.”

Moments later, their four-year-old son wandered down the steps and into the kitchen, still holding his corn snake. “What, Daddy?”

“You got some mail, kid,” said Tonny. “You want help opening it?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed jumping up and down. He ran to the sink and dropped in the snake before grabbing the package from Will and bounding into the living room.

“Aks!” yelled Will, but he received no response, “Damn it, Tonny, tell him to stop leaving Kevin in the kitchen.” Will fished the snake out of the sink, but Tonny blatantly ignored him as he grabbed his coffee and followed his son instead.

The boy was patiently waiting on the floor in front of the fireplace, bouncing around in excitement. It was December 1st, and this was the first gift the boy had received. 

Tonny pulled out his pocket knife and sliced open the top of the box, letting Aksel open the rest. He shooed away a few dogs off the couch and flopped down with his coffee to watch. “Oh, fuck, Will,” he sarcastically yelled into the kitchen, “You should call the techs! It _is_ a severed head.”

Will rushed it and stopped, scoffing at the red and green crinkled paper filling the box. “Clever, Tonny,” he snapped. He shook his head and joined them.

Aksel pulled out handfuls of shredded confetti and piled it on the floor. At the bottom of the box was a large muslin bag that clinked and rattled when he set it on the floor. He curiously inspected it, attempting to open the tied top. Tonny knelt down to undo the tie and after peeking in the box, pulled out and handed Will a cream-colored envelope.

Will huffed to himself, recognizing the calligraphy on the front. _Aksel Graham_ , it read. He slowly opened it, his heart racing, and pulled out a matching cream-colored note card, reading it silently to himself,

_Dear Aksel,_

_These come to you all the way from France! I hope you get a lot of use out of them as you explore the culinary arts. Happy Holidays._

_Your friend,_

_Hannibal_

Will held the note as a wave of emotions swept over him and he looked down to see Aksel dump the contents of the muslin bag onto the floor. An avalanche of metal cookie cutters tumbled out into a pile onto the floor.

“Wow!” said Aksel, excited by all the shapes and noise. He picked up each one and asked his father what they were.

“A pig, I think,” said Tonny, “and that’s a bell. Oh, and a star, snowflake ...”

“What’s this?” asked Aksel, holding up a cookie cutter.

“Papa, you want to answer this one?” said Tonny.

“It’s a fleur de lis, a lily flower. Represents French royalty,” he said, smiling at Aksel.

“And this one?” asked Aksel, holding one upside down.

“Looks like an … elk,” said Will, “Or more likely a reindeer.” 

“A fish and a dog!” exclaimed the child, and Will grinned, glancing down at the floor in thought.

“Can we make cookies?” asked Aksel.

“Why the hell not?” said Tonny, and he stood. “Will, you going to help or should I just burn the house down by myself?"

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” he said, watching Tonny and Aksel gather up the cutters still talking about the shapes and meandering into the kitchen.

Will held the note card in his hands feeling the paper, inspecting the envelope, rereading the text, running his fingers along Aksel’s name on the front. He felt the weight of it in his hand and remembered dinner invitations, holiday cards, and personalized notes all written on this same stationary. He peered over his shoulder, and when certain he was alone, he closed his eyes, brought it to his nose, and smelled the familiar earthy aroma of the paper, and he sighed.


	2. Lock Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ornaments

Tonny patted down his coat pockets as he and Will stood at the front door of the farmhouse. “Where are your keys?”

“I didn’t bring them, why?” asked Will.

“Oh fuck, Will. We’re locked out,” he sighed. The two men stood on the cold snowy porch staring into their darkened home. “Now what?” asked Tonny.

“I know one of the living room windows is unlocked, but it’s the one by the TV,” said Will.

“By the TV? That window is 8 ft off the ground.”

“I have a ladder in the barn,” said Will. He hopped off the porch and headed down the lane by the house.

“The barn is locked, Will,” called Tonny, and Will winced before heading back to the house.

Will rounded the corner of the house and studied unlocked the window. “You think you can you boost me up?” he asked.

Tonny grimaced at the thought of how this was most likely going to end with another hospital trip. He joined Will under the window, and locked his hands, cradling Will’s muddy boot. He hoisted him up to the window where Will hastily attempted to open it, but failed.

“You have to push at the top, Will,” yelled Tonny, straining under his weight. Will banged on the window from his perch on Tonny’s shoulder and arm.

“What the fuck do you think I am doing?” he yelled down.

“Something wrong, obviously!” he yelled back. “Oh, fuck this.” Tonny dropped Will back to the ground. “Plan B, I’m breaking a lower window.”

“No, you idiot! It’s cold as hell in the house already. You want a broken window too? It’s supposed to be ten degrees tomorrow!”

“Will, it’s fucking dark out. I’m fucking cold. You want to spend the night out here?” 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Tonny. Layla’s coming with Aksel. She has a key,” reminded Will, as he looked down the road for any sign of a vehicle.

“She’s coming in two hours Will!”

“Wanna sit in the truck?” he asked, and Tonny nodded.

In the truck, a large pile of boxes separated and Tonny lifted the cardboard flaps to peer inside. “What’s all this?” he asked.

“Decorations for the tree at the shelter. I’m taking them down tomorrow,” said Will.

Tonny’s eyes flashed with an idea and he opened up the boxes searching for something.

“What the hell are you looking for?” asked Will.

Tonny found what he was searching for and ran back up to the house, kneeling in front of the door. Curious as to what the man was up to, Will followed.

“What are you doing?” he said from the yard, still watching him.

In a matter of minutes, Tonny had picked the lock using several old steel ornament hooks and his pocket knife and stood in the now open doorway, bowing.

Will laughed at him and slowly clapped. “I knew living with a criminal would come in handy,” he joked, entering the house behind Tonny.

Tonny grabbed Will’s arm and spun him around, pulling him into his body. “We have two hours alone, Will. Want to see what I learned in prison?” He grinned and winked at Will, who simply scoffed at the man's suggestion before doubling over with laughter.


	3. Fireside chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Fireplace

“Put your head in my lap,” said Will, patting his leg.

“Well I already like where this is going,” said Tonny, on his way into the toasty living room. He hopped over the couch to join Will, who was chuckling under his breath. He laid back and lowered his head onto Will’s lap and looked up into the man’s face, smiling.

Will stared down at him, fully enjoying this warm moment by the fire after a hellishly long day. “First time you held Aksel,” he said.

“Oh, fuck, the question again?” laughed Tonny, looking up at him. “Umm, that’s a sad one. I met up with his mother and she asked me for money. I had nothing to give her. She wanted to smoke so she handed me Aks. He was only a few months old and didn’t have a name yet. I held him for maybe two minutes and then gave him back. That's it.”

“Really? He wasn’t named yet?” asked Will. “When did you guys decide on a name?”

“Umm, I did, at the airport before I came here.”

Will cocked an eyebrow. “So did his mother have any input?”

“She didn’t really care about him. That’s why I have him,” said Tonny, nervously clearing his throat. “First dog?” he quipped, as quickly as he could.

Will grinned as his attention immediately diverted to his favorite subject. “His name was Murphy, a collie-terrier mutt. A neighbor that shared a fence in our backyard thought he was too rambunctious for his kids, so he asked my dad one day if we wanted him. My dad said sure and our neighbor passed him over the fence,” he said, fondly remembering the scruffy mutt. “Did you have any pets growing up?”

“Nope,” he said. “No one was ever around. Better that we didn’t.”

Will nodded and ran his fingers through Tonny's hair, studying the face in his lap. "You have very ... strong features," he noted aloud.

Tonny anxiously snickered. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Not at all, you just ..." He trailed off as he fingered Tonny's stubble-covered jaw. It had been weeks since he'd been this physically close to Tonny. The shorter days weren't helpful to Will's depression and the winter months were always difficult for the pair. Will wanted to be alone. He needed solitude and having a family often prevented that from being possible. His hand found it's way down Tonny's neck, over the man's chest, past his waist, and settled on his thigh where Will massages and worked Tonny's stiff knee.  

Tonny's breath studdered, and he bit his lip. "Do, uh ... do you want to mess around at all? We can go upstairs. You don't have to touch me. I'll do everything."

Will hummed and considered the generous offer, but shook his head. They'd probably sleep separately tonight.

Tonny forced a smile and nodded.

“The fire needs wood,” said Will. Tonny sat up and went to poke the fire. He stood in front of the fireplace staring at the embers floating up into the chimney. Will joined him from behind him and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his mouth against Tonny's shoulder.

Tonny closed his eyes and relaxed back into him, savoring this rare occasion when Will was physically affectionate towards him without being asked. He sighed with contentment, warmed between Will’s embrace and the crackling fire.

“Favorite Christmas memory?” asked Will, still leaning into him.

“Easy. Tivoli when I was seventeen. It’s like an amusement park in Copenhagen, with rides and stuff. It was in December, and everything was decorated for Christmas. My mom took me and my friend. It was the year the Demon opened and we rode it a hundred times,” he said, smiling.

“A roller coaster is your favorite? Not a memory from a Christmas here?” scoffed Will, feigning his disappointment.

“A roller coaster?” he said, backtracking. “No, no, no. You’re right. I much preferred your crazy gift wrapping rules our first Christmas, or how you insisted on buying your own gift from me last year. That was fun,” he said, chuckling.

Will was still draped around Tonny, laughing at himself. “Yeah, I get it. Do you ever miss living there?” asked Will, after a long silence. "In Denmark?"

“Not a single day,” said Tonny, without any hesitation, and they both stared into the fire.


	4. Snowball fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Snowball

“Can I join you?” asked Tonny, quickly yanking back the shower curtain.

Will jumped and cursed, startled by Tonny’s sudden intrusion. “Jesus Christ, uh, I guess I don’t care. I plan on using all the hot water. If you want any, now’s your chance,” he said. “Where’s Aksel?”

Tonny quickly stripped off his clothes. “Outside with Layla. I promised him we would play in the snow after I got cleaned up,” said Tonny. He stepped into the tub and immediately pulled Will out of the shower stream and into him, attacking his lips and neck. Will closed his eyes and with his hands on the man’s hips, turned their bodies so Tonny could feel the hot water run down his back.

Tonny sighed and relaxed, enjoyed both the heat of the water and the tug of Will's hands on his body. They licked and kissed each other’s skin until they were both inhaling the hot dense air with deep panting breaths.

Tonny slowly dropped to his knees, kissing a line down the front of Will’s body, still enjoying the hot water cascading down his back and neck. He licked and sucked Will, grabbing his hips and pulling him into his mouth. Will combed his fingers through Tonny’s hair – pulling, tugging, and pushing himself deeper until his muscles stiffen and he shuddered. Will huffed out a breathy moan and came in Tonny’s mouth. He felt Tonny lap and suck a few moments more, before standing up and looking into his eyes.

Tonny smiled at him, absorbed in the thought of how much he truly enjoyed having Will in his mouth.

For a brief moment, Will was enamored again. He'd missed the closeness they used to share like this, stealing showers together or enjoying one another in the middle of the night.  

Will leaned in to kiss him, and Tonny smirked at Will's closed eyes and relaxed face. Their lips met and Tonny tongued all of the cum into Will’s mouth. Will’s eyes widened and he stumbled back, spitting and coughing.

“What the fuck, Tonny?!” he screamed, gagging and pawing at his mouth. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Tonny was laughing so hard, tears were forming in his eyes. “I dunno. It’s called snowballing. Layla was texting me about it. She dared me to do it.”

“You are both disgusting human beings, and I fucking hate you,” snapped Will, still spitting into the tub. Tonny was giddy with amusement. “And you’re both fired,” he declared, which only further elated Tonny as he pulled Will back to him for a second, less messy, kiss.


	5. Thank you for seeing me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Eggnog
> 
> For the full holiday effect, read listening to Frank Sinatra's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/22xz4n7kpjugn6gfbxnmqpyti/playlist/61jk7Y7bYyhszZ7Y0IKm25#) | [Google Music](https://play.google.com/music/playlist/AMaBXym9X0iASUxlJ_FHDganD1m4kVvOV0l6lI-V5GSfp2LwKUxU943SlY1dZidPzIDCQ1aOdSu4hwBSnz4tiSZSNbzS4yFOJA==)

“Will,” smiled Hannibal, entering his office. “What is that you have?”

“Eggnog, Hannibal. I’m hoping your bar is stocked,” he laughed.

“It is indeed. Please, come to the kitchen.” The two entered the brightly lit kitchen and Hannibal retrieved two glass cups from the cupboard. He fixed them both a glass of eggnog and looked up at Will, “Life is being kind to you Will. You look better than ever.”

“Thank you. Life is hectic, but I can’t expect anything less with a preschooler,” he said chuckling.

“How is Aksel? I want to know everything, Will,” said Hannibal, his eyes brightening with affection.

Will inhaled deeply and smiled, “He is amazing, Hannibal. He’s curious and generous.” Will’s eyes misted. “He loves animals, so the farm is like paradise to him. He brings in new creatures  everyday,” he chuckled. Hannibal’s eyes grew soft and gentle. “He tells these elaborate stories about Hobbits and dragons and he and Tonny ‘go on adventures’ every night.” Will took a second to pause and gather himself, tears welling up in his eyes. “But we,” he smiled, “we spoil him.”

Hannibal scoffed, setting down his cup, “No, Will. A spoiled child is given anything in lieu of affection. To spoil a child is to set them alone without love or generosity of spirit. That may include humoring their every want with material things rather than spending time with them, or it may mean the child is discarded, neglected, and only allowed to grow as much as they can on their own. In essence, they are left and allowed to spoil. These children don’t flourish, and they appear selfish and inconsiderate because that is all they know. That is how they survive. Aksel may be overindulged, but he knows much about love and respect from you, Will. He could never spoil because you would never allow that.”

Will set down his glass to wipe his eyes. “Thank you, Hannibal,” he was finally able to say. “I wish you could see him. You’d be enamored.”

“I already am, Will,” he said, smiling.

Will sipped his eggnog. “Do you want to know about Tonny?” he asked.

Hannibal soberly shook his head, “No, not really.”

Will nodded sadly in understanding and took another sip. 

Hannibal paused, picking up his glass, and looked into Will’s sorrowful eyes. “How’s Tonny, Will?” he asked.

Will thanked him with a smile, “He’s happy. He’s clean. He’s a wonderful father. You should be proud of him.”

“I am proud, Will,” he said, for Will’s own indulgence. “I am proud of all three of you.”

Hannibal glanced down at his watch and sighed. “I have to go, Will,” he said sadly. Will nodded and set down his glass.

“Thank you for seeing me. It was nice to feel this again,” Will said, nodding. 

Hannibal approached him and sighed, wrapping an arm around Will’s back, pulling him into his shoulder. He took a deep breath, feeling Will’s arms around his back before he released him. “It was  _ wonderful _ to feel this again,” he corrected.

Hannibal slowly opened his eyes and found himself back in the brown leather chair facing the window that looked out over the bleak and lifeless vineyard. 

“Dr. Lecter,” said a soft voice from the doorway, “The car is here for you.” 

“Thank you, Anouk. I will just be a moment.” He heard the door gently close and he inhaled deeply before standing. He stood in front of the mirror straightening his tuxedo, Will’s aftershave still caught in his nose, before returning to his life downstairs.


	6. Dear Hannibal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Cards

_Dear Hannibal,_

_My written words don’t really seem to do my emotions justice anymore. I wish there was a way that I could convey just how much our brief friendship meant to me. Tonny is such an incredible father and Aksel is the most beautiful and loving child. I feel like I am living in a reality meant for someone so much more deserving than myself. Every day they both surprise me with their incredible generosity. I wouldn’t have my family if it weren’t for you, Hannibal, and I don’t feel there is a way that I can convey how grateful I am that you were a part of my life. I wish you didn’t have to leave. I want so much for you to be a part of our family’s life, but I understand why you made the choice that you did._

_I miss you, Hannibal. I feel a deeper connection with you than anyone else. I still want to know you. I want to know that you are still there. You don’t feel like you are still there and I don’t want to forget. It feels like I’m forgetting myself. My mind feels like it’s been weakening since our last session three years ago. I wish I had a reason and the resources to find you. I wish you and Tonny were on better terms. I wish he knew what I know._

_If you ever decide to come back to the States, please visit. Please come see what you are responsible for. See the beauty and love that you created. See the family that you gave me._

_Thank you for this precious gift. I will always be indebted to you. Thank you for Aksel’s gift and Happy Holidays._

_Your friend,_

_Will_

Will folded the note and slid it in an unmarked envelope, placing it alongside the two-dozen other letters in the box on his dresser. Over the last three years, he'd written stories and anecdotes, gathered reading lists, and divulged secrets on scraps, cards, and note paper. But to honor the wishes of his former doctor, they remained sealed and unsent. He closed the lid of the tiny mausoleum and paused with a sigh. There was nothing for him in there, only unread words and unreciprocated emotions. So he turned to the door and with a heavy heart, returned to his family downstairs.


	7. Eskimo Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Eskimo Kisses

Will lowered his voice as he crouched down and pointed to the edge of the treeline. “Do you see them? Right there.”

Aksel clapped his hands. “I do!” he shouted, and the deer bounded into the trees. Will grinned as the boy’s excited smile suddenly twisted into a scowl. 

“It’s ok, bud, look, there are tracks in the mud.”

Aksel smiled at his Papa and poked at the tracks with a stick. “Why are their feet so small?”

“I guess they don’t really need big feet. Their hooves have two toes that let them be agile and quick to get away from predators,” he answered. “Look, deer poop.”

Aksel squealed with delight and rushed to the pellets to poke at them as well. Will always laughed at his enthusiasm for animal droppings. “Do you want to walk down to the stream?”

“Yes!” he said through his scarf.

Will stood and took Aksel’s icy gloveless hand. He unzipped his own coat and crouched back down. “Give me a big hug,” he said, and Aksel smiled before sliding his arms beneath his Papa's toasty jacket. “Warm?” he asked, and Aksel nodded. Will pulled him closer and leaned his cheek on his son's temple. “What do you want to do when we get to the stream?”

“Go across the log bridge,” said Aksel, still muffled by his scarf.

“That might be a little too slippery since it just rained. What if we look for some of those little white rocks for your collection?”

Aksel pulled away to firmly correct his father. “They're called _Arkenstones.”_

“That’s right,” snicked Will, peering down at Aksel’s rosy cheeks. “Is your nose cold, too?” Aksel nodded. “Do you know what an Eskimo kiss is?” Aksel nodded again. “You do!? Show me.”

Aksel rubbed his nose against his Papa’s and Will watched his cheeks rise under his scarf as he smiled.

“Did you learn that from an Eskimo?” he wondered.

Aksel shook his head.

“Was it a penguin?”

Aksel chuckled and shook his head.

“Well how did you get so good at Eskimo kisses then?!”

“Daddy!” he shouted, jumping into the air.

Will laughed, trying to imagine Tonny and Aksel rubbing noses.

“Well, I’ll have to find out if Daddy’s ever met an Eskimo,” he said, taking Aksel’s now warm hand. “Let’s go see how slippery that log is,” he said, and the pair headed back the footpath to the stream.


	8. And this is your problem, Tonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Christmas lights

“They should just open a tab for us,” said Will, repressing his snicker as he drove toward the hospital.

Tonny winced at every bump in the road as he clutched his ankle. “Shut up, Will. This fucking hurts!”

“I know. In fact, I know _exactly_ what it feels like, Tonny, and I don’t feel bad for you. You were a dick after I broke my leg.” Will glanced over and smirked at him. “And I told you not to climb on that part of the roof. It’s tin. You can’t put lights on it and it’s covered in ice, you idiot.”

“I wasn’t going to ...,” hissed Tonny, but he couldn't finish. “Just shut up and drive.”

**********

“Is the water too hot, Tonny?” teased Will. "Too hot for your poor, delicate skin?"

“Fuck you, asshole! Oh my god!” Tonny screamed and he arched his back away from the scalding shower water. “What the fuck, Will?”

Will laughed as Tonny stumbled around the tub on one leg, apparently _not_ enjoying Will's help after the fall.

“Not so funny now is it, you shit?” he goaded, but he turned the cold tap anyway to let his defenseless victim cool down.

Tonny sighed, finally relaxing under the water. “You are a cruel mother-fucker.”

“Yeah, well, I _could_ empty the shampoo over your head or conveniently abandon you here, but I won’t,” he said. “And at least it’s just a sprain. For a guy who had his skull cracked with a goddamn baseball bat, you sure did make a big deal out of this.”

Tonny glared at him as he clung to the shower curtain. Will was going to make this as miserable as possible so Tonny decided to strike while he could. He grabbed Will’s shirt and dragged him into the shower with him as they slipped back and fell hard onto the tub floor.

Tonny groaned as his back ached and throbbed.

Will sat up, unamused and now dripping under the spray of the shower. “And this is your problem, Tonny,” he said, straddling him in the tub. “You don’t think things through."

Tonny laughed despite the pain in his back. When his gaze met Will's he suddenly calmed, watching Will peel off his soaked shirt and throw it to the floor. 

Will stared down at Tonny, water dripping off the hair clinging to his face. “You have great ambition, Tonny, but you are godawful at visualizing the future.” He unbuttoned his soaked pants and slid them down his thighs. “Like the lights. I told you to not climb up there alone,” he playfully scolded, his hands still on the waist of his jeans. "And you know I don't like it when you're so irresponsible."

Tonny held his breath and his eyes remained fixed on the soaking wet man undressing on top of him.

“And yet, here we are.” Will rocked up on his knees and worked off his pants and boxers before sitting back down on Tonny's naked lap. “You now have a hospital bill, a sprained ankle, and probably a bruised tailbone. And I’m soaking wet.”

Tonny bit his lip, trying to control himself as he barely listened to Will's tirade.

“And we _still_ don’t have the goddamn lights up.” Will scoffed and ran his fingers through his wet hair, pushing it out of his face. “So now what Tonny? What’s your plan?”

Speechless and short of breath, Tonny shook his head, his heart racing at the sight of Will's naked and excited body towering over him.

Will cocked his head. “Nothing to say for yourself? No insults? No asinine remarks?”

Tonny slowly ran his hands up Will's thighs. “Next time, I’ll use a longer ladder?”

Will hummed and nodded. “And what about me being soaking wet? How are you going to fix this?”

Tonny huffed, attempting to control his excitement. “I’m not sure that’s actually a problem, Will.” He reached up and grabbed the back of Will’s neck, wrenching him down to his face. “But how about next time, you do the fucking lights yourself, asshole.” He sneered at Will's smirking face before finally attacking him with his very impatient mouth.


	9. View from afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sledding

The joy was unmistakable. It took no effort at all to see the love these men had for the child. Aksel was healthy, happy, strong, and blissfully ignorant of the world. _As he should be,_ thought Hannibal. He stood in the parking lot, his arms crossed, watching his family among the others – playing, and running, and pushing each other in the mounds of fresh white snow. His eyes tracked Aksel as the boy began climbing the hill with his sled. He watched Tonny toss him over his shoulder, the child squealing, as he limped up the hill to rest the sled at the top. Will stood at the bottom, clapping and shouting words of encouragement up the hill to his son.

The shy little boy finally built up the courage to go sliding down the hill to his waiting father. That sinister pang of jealousy slowly crept through his gut. He closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them again, he resolved to simply enjoy the brief moment before it was over.

He had ached to see Will again and he'd desperately needed to examine the boy's face as he grew. His demeanor, his voice, his blonde hair – it all reminded Hannibal of the world and the life he'd lost so many years before. It was painful, but these few moments watching and memorizing would have to be sufficient until he could see Will and his grandson on his own terms.

The cogs of Hannibal’s mind tirelessly turned, endlessly conspiring and calculating when he would finally bring his family home.


	10. Go change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Sweater

Will sat on the edge of his bed. “Just put it on, Tonny. I want to see it.” 

“I’m not a fucking doll, Will,” he said, shuffling into the bedroom. The man was dressed in khakis and a festive red sweater, a far cry from his normal grease-stained track pants and his grungy black hoodie.

Will bit his lip in an attempt to stifle his laugh. “You can’t wear your ratty sweatshirt to meet Aksel’s teacher."

“Why the hell not?” he snapped, glancing at the mirror leaning against Will's bedroom wall. “Oh no; I do look like Hannibal. This is a bunch of shit.” He grimaced and he ruffed up his hair. “This is stupid, Will.”

Will bit his thumbnail and glanced at the floor. “I think you look hot.”

“Are you high? If you think this is hot you’re an idiot. I look like a dad from TV.” He continued ruffling his hair until it jutted out at every angle. The V-neck sweater scratched his skin and the neck dipped low enough to expose his chest hair. He wrenched on the khakis until they were tugged down past the waist of his boxers in an attempt to end the wretched discomfort. “Wait, you think _this_ is hot?" He suddenly stopped and narrowed his eyes. "Did you think Hannibal was hot?”

Will grumbled, ignoring Tonny’s question. “Did you forget that you _are_ a dad, and you’re almost thirty. It might be time to stop dressing like a teenager.”

“I'd rather dress like a teenager than like you. You dress like an old man.”

“What?!” Will jumped up and looked in the mirror. He was wearing a red and navy blue plaid button up and gray corduroy pants. “Oh my god. When did this happen?! Why didn’t you tell me?!” he joked. "I'll be a laughing-stock!"

“Well you are almost forty, so I guess it makes sense,” said Tonny, peeking at him from the corner of his eye.

“That was a low blow,” snapped Will.

“Well, if you want me to wear this, you are not wearing that,” he said, staring at Will in the mirror. “Wear a tee shirt or something. Stop wearing all the stripes and shit. You look like a fucking teacher.”

“It's called plaid. And I _am_ a teacher, for fuck's sake! And this is classic comfortable Will,” he said, admiring himself. "I look good." 

“You don't teach anymore and another word for classic is _old._ I do know that.”

“Screw you, and you’re wearing the damn sweater. It's final.”

Tonny shook his head and scoffed, "Why didn't you answer my question?"

 Will dismissed him with a wave. "Just shut up, Tonny."

"I'm wearing my hoodie," he declared, pulling off the sweater and tossing it in Will's scowling face. "Wear whatever you want, Will." 


	11. Aksel & Gretel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Gingerbread House

“This one!” exclaimed Aksel, as he handed Will a book to read before bed. The pair were wrapped in a blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace, enjoying the warmth.

A burst of cold air rushed through the room as Tonny huffed in the front door, having just returned home from his job at a grocery store in town.

“Oh, good choice, Aks. I think Daddy should read this one to you. It’s from his homeland,” said Will, winking at his grinning son.

Tonny overheard him and after shrugging off his coat, walked over to look at the book. “Hansel and Gretel? That’s fucking German, Will.” He dropped to the floor so Aksel could nestle in his lap.

“How was work?” wondered Will.

Tonny shook his head. It wasn't worth mentioning. “Doesn’t matter. I’d rather have been home." He turned the book in his hands and scoffed, tossing it aside. “I don’t need a book for this, English is screwy anyway. I know this story by heart,” he claimed. “Once upon a time, there were three bears …”

Aksel laughed and stopped him. “Noooo, Daddy!"

“No? Hmm. Ok, let’s try again. Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Jack …”

“Daddy!” giggled Aksel.

Will smiled at Tonny's exhausted face.

“Okay ... I think I remember now. Once upon a time, there were two little children, Aksel and Gretel,” he began. “They lived with their daddy and an evil wicked stepmother – because all German children have an evil stepmother.”

Will chuckled and cuddled next to Tonny, tossing the blanket around all three of them.

“So one day, the evil stepmother decided that she didn’t want these two little children in her family anymore, so she told them to go into the woods to ... die, or something.” Tonny looked over at Will, who was silently chuckling beside him. “But when they went into the forest, I think they left a trail of breadcrumbs so they could find their way home, right?” Aksel enthusiastically nodded. “But who lives in the forest that might eat breadcrumbs, Aks?”

“Deer?” he answered, and Tonny agreed. “Bugs?” he suggested, and Tonny nodded.

“The deer and the bugs ate all the breadcrumbs leaving Aksel and Gretel lost in the woods! Papa knows about getting lost in the woods. He used to get lost a lot.” He smiled at Will but the man was cringing and shaking his head. Tonny immediately regretted the comment and continued, “So they came to a house that was made of candy. Or gingerbread, I don’t remember – but it was the food that little kids like the most,” said Tonny, “What do you think the house was made of?”

“PEZ?” wondered Aksel.

Tonny snickered. “Yes! It was covered in PEZ.”

Will leaned his temple against Tonny's shoulder and stared into the fire, more charmed by the man than he had ever been.

“So, inside the house, there was an evil witch named Freddie.” He winked at Will who was stifling a chuckle at the bizarre memory that name conjured. “And Freddie liked to eat little kids.” He paused in thought for a moment. “You know what Aksel? Cannibalism is very popular in Germany but _not_ in Denmark,” he said, playfully sneering at Will.

Will burst out laughing and kissed Tonny’s shoulder. "That's true, Aks, you should tell everyone at school."

Tonny grinned and stole a quick kiss from Will before continuing his retelling of a classic. “So the children were so hungry – ‘cause they wasted all their food feeding the animals – so they started to eat all the PEZ off the house. But the witch – she was tricky. She opened the door and invited them in for Windbeutel because, fuck, Windbeutel are delicious and fat little German _and_ Danish children love them."

Aksel turned to look up at he father. “What’s _vintbutter?”_

“Aren't they cream puffs?” said Will.

“Papa is right. I guess he knows some German but doesn’t bother to learn Danish. That’s okay. Maybe one day he'll find a reason to learn,” he said.

Will's heart broke. Long hours, therapy, Aksel's new school, and Tonny's new job had made life far more difficult than any of them had expected. He and Tonny barely spoke anymore let alone enjoyed hobbies together. Lately, they'd been lucky to enjoy a few fleeting moments of frivolity with one another, but the tension that had been building between them over the last year had yet to fully dissipate. Will sighed and snaked his hand under Tonny's shirt. He traced each tattoo, feeling muscles stiffen at his touch. 

Tonny nuzzled Aksel's cheek and collected himself. “So the brother and sister went in the candy house and the witch snatched them up. She stuck Gretel in a cage and made Aksel her slave. I think this is where she fattens the girl, maybe? I’m not sure – but I know she tries to cook one of them! But Aksel, he is a clever boy. He is so smart. Smarter than the witch, smarter than the evil stepmother, but especially smarter than his daddy.”

Will’s eyes softened and his arm tightened around Tonny's back.

“Aksel waited until Freddie was right in front of the oven and he gave her a big kick that sent her right in! She screamed, and screamed, and screamed like someone was stabbing her in the belly and in the face–” Will elbowed him. “Oh ... until she was burnt to a crisp and the children escaped!” 

“How did they get out of the woods?” asked Askel, enthralled with the story.

Tonny thought for a moment. “Aksel and Gretel keep walking in a straight line in the forest until they reach home, and by some sort of stupid miracle or dumb luck, their evil stepmother has died!” Tonny clapped, “Yay! Someone died in a German fairytale! How not surprising! And then they all lived happily ever after.”

Aksel giggled and leaned back into Tonny's chest, and they both watched the fire until the boy's eyes began to droop.

“Aks, go use the bathroom and I’ll help you get ready for bed,” said Will. The child hopped up and headed to the steps. “Interesting story,” said Will.

The corner of Tonny's mouth perked, but his tired eyes continued staring at the fire. “I think it’s better than the one in the book. I should write this shit down,” he sighed.

Will stroked his back. “Rough night?”

Tonny hummed and debated sharing the details of his long and exhausting day – angry customers, a pallet of tipped merchandise, screaming children, and three coworkers out with the flu. But he decided against it. He just smiled at his anxiety-ridden companion, noting the eternal bags under the man's eyes and the fatigue that weighed on every part of him. “Not anymore,” he replied.

Will nodded and hugged him to his chest. The world may have been an unjust and unforgiving to them both over the last three years, but that didn't stop Will from thanking a higher power for giving him this incredible man.


	12. Dear Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Elf

_Dear Santa,_

_Papa said to tell you that I have been good all year and that it wasn’t my fault when the cookies burned because Daddy was the one not paying attention._

“Heh,” said Will with a smirk as he read the letter aloud.

“Don’t leave that in,” snapped Tonny. "And it wasn't my fault, I was chasing down Frankie!"

“It’s what he said, so it’s staying in the letter. And don't blame Frankie; he's just a dog.”

_There are a lot of things I want this year. I want a new fishing pole for Papa because he said you can’t have too many, and I want him to have many. I want a new phone for Daddy because he loves his phone and if he has a new one I can have his old one, and then I can play Pet Doctor whenever I want._

“God, I love this little guy,” said Will, a little teary-eyed.

_I want a new collar for Winston, and a new bowl for Chopper, and a bathtub for Muffin because she needs a bath, and a lot of Milk Bones for the other dogs, too._

“Hope Santa has a dump truck,” joked Tonny.

Will snickered. “Shut up and let me finish."

_I want an Emperor Zurg, like from Toy Story. Just a Zurg. But I want his gun to really shoot balls._

"He made me underline _balls_ three times," chuckled Will and Tonny laughed. “I already bought him a Zurg, just so you know. I just need to wrap it.”

_I wish I could come to the North Pole because I want to see real elves. Papa said they aren’t like elves from Middle Earth but that’s ok because I still want to see them. They are short like me so I think we would have a lot to talk about. And my favorite colors are red and green and I think elves would like red and green too because that’s what color all their clothes are._

“That’s fucking cute as hell, Will,” said Tonny, smiling.

"Yeah, but listen to this," he said.

_When you come, you should probably use the front door because the fireplace is really dirty and no one should be in it because it’s not safe. Maybe use the back door because the dogs don’t sleep by that door so you won’t step on any because they don’t sleep back there._

“You are making him neurotic,” said Tonny.

“No I’m not! He just empathizes with people and animals! Better than you, obviously."

 _I hope you get lots of presents from the elves!_  
_See you soon!_ _  
Love, Aksel_

“Damn. He’s a good kid, Will,” said Tonny.

“I know,” replied Will, “He’s amazing.”


	13. Gay as hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Shopping

“Please tell me we don’t have any more shopping to do,” complained Tonny. He'd just hopped out of the shower after a grueling day and now lay wrapped in a towel on Will's bed, his legs dangling over the edge. 

Will was dressed and ready for sleep and trying to enjoy a magazine before bed. He sighed and ignored the constant stream of shit Tonny insisted on complaining about.

Unhappy with being ignored, Tonny inched over and nuzzled Will’s neck, playfully kissing him. When he got no response, he rolled himself on top of Will and sat up, straddle the man's lap.

Will finally dropped the magazine and peered up at Tonny, casually sitting on his belly.

“We're done, right?” he asked again, now having Will’s undivided attention. “Because I can’t take any more of your friendly chitchat bullshit.”

Will pulled off his glasses and tossed them to his nightstand. “My friendly what?”

“Every time we go anywhere, we run into some fuckface and I gotta sit through the most boring ass awkward-as-hell conversation. Like what’s-her-name from today.”

“Janet Bowman,” chuckled Will, smiling.

“Yeah, her. _OH HI, WILL!_ ” mocked Tonny in a shrill American accent, “ _OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOU! LET’S TALK ABOUT SHIT THAT HASN’T HAPPENED IN TEN YEARS AND THAT NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND CARES ABOUT! Will, did you see my kid? LOOK HOW AMAZING MY FAT FUCKING KID IS! I’m not going to ask if you have any kids because you’re a loser with mental problems who couldn’t possibly get laid without cash._ ”

“Hey!” interjected Will through laughter.

 _"WHO’S YOUR FRIEND, WILL? OH, HE WORKS FOR YOU? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? HE TALKS FUNNY,”_ he continued before returning to his normal voice. “Nevermind that you haven’t paid me in three years. What the fuck, Will? Why do you still introduce me like that?” he asked, shaking his head. “I’m going to start introducing myself as your fuck buddy.  _Hi, I’m Tonny. I’m the mouth and hands that Will likes to fuck. Oh, you don’t want to shake my hand now? Why not? It’s just a little cum._ ”

Will tried to suppress his laughter as his cheek pinked. It was ridiculous how accurate Tonny's observations had been. He always screwed up introducing Tonny to people and he often felt bad about it. He once referred to him as his cousin and for the rest of the conversation, Tonny refused to speak English, forcing Will to make up some convoluted story about his mysterious Danish cousin who was now living with him.

“Or _Hi, I’m Tonny. Will pretends I don’t exist so he doesn’t have to come to terms with being gay. He still likes to call himself straight even though the last time he saw a pussy, he was twenty-two,”_ he teased.

“Hey. That’s not true at all!” interrupted Will. Tonny smirked down at him. “I don’t have to _come to terms_ with anything, asshole.”

“Will, are you gay?” flatly asked Tonny.

“No …,” said Will trailing off, and Tonny burst into laughter.

“Shit, Will!” he scoffed, covering his face with his hands. “Oh my god, wait.” He suddenly stopped, and glanced around the room. “Will, do you ... do you think _I’M_ a woman?” he ridiculed, “Holy shit. Wait. No ... Do you think _YOU'RE_ a woman?!” He gasped.

“Shit up!” he laughed and grabbed Tonny’s wrists in an attempt to push him off his lap.

“Help! I think my wife is attacking me!” called Tonny.

“Fuck you,” snapped Will, letting go with a huff.

“Oh no … did I hurt your feelings, Will? Oh, shit.” Tonny bit his lip. “Do you want to talk about it?” He grinned at Will, who glared up at him.

“I’m not gay, Tonny,” he stated.

Tonny loosened the towel and dropped it to the floor by the bed. “You have a naked man sitting on your stomach right now and if I wanted to, I could stick my tongue or my dick in your mouth. That sounds pretty fucking gay, Will.”

“Are _you_ gay, Tonny?” he asked.

“I like pussy," he said, thumbing toward their son's bedroom. "Aks proves that. But I’m gay for _you_ , Will,” he said, winking at him.

Will scoffed. “I’m not just attracted to men. I have very specific tastes."

“Like a taste for cum?” he laughed and Will smacked him with the magazine.

“No,” Will began, ”More like psychological tastes or emotional ones and I've felt them toward women, too.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” asked Tonny, still chuckling. "Psychological tastes?"

“I think I’m more emotionally attracted to you, as a person. You just happen to identify as ... male,” said Will, and his mind drifted to other people he was also emotionally attracted to and who also identify as male.

Tonny stared at him, confused. “Okay, so you are _emotionally_ attracted to me and I just _happen_ to have a monster cock,” he joked. “That still sounds gay as hell, Will."

“Whatever,” sneered Will, and he pulled Tonny down into a kiss just to shut him up.


	14. Secret Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Secret Santa

Tonny and Will walked up to Jack’s house carrying a few gifts and a bottle of wine.

“Did you unbuckle, Aks?” asked Will, looking around for their son as they approached the door.

Tonny's mouth dropped open and he twisted around, sprinting back to the truck. He ripped open the door and looked in at Aksel still asleep in his carseat and he sighed.

“Aks, kid, we're at Jack’s,” he said, lightly jostling the boy’s leg.

“Okay, Daddy,” he sighed, still sleepy from a day playing outside in the snow.

Tonny unbuckled him and carried him back up to the porch where Jack now stood, festively dressed in a Santa cap and holding open the door.

“Merry Christmas!” announced Jack. He lowered his voice and peered over Tonny's shoulder. “Is he sleeping?” Aksel had closed his eyes but his grin betrayed his intentions. “Oh no!" said Jack. "He’s going to miss all the fun! We have candy, and Aunt Bella made cake ... special cake …”

Aksel shot up. “I’m not sleeping, Uncle Jack!”

“Well, of course not! Come here big man,” he said, taking Aksel from Tonny.

The four of them joined the rest of the party guest enjoying snacks and the very cheerful holiday atmosphere of the Crawford’s home. Bella had decorated the entire house in silvers and golds. Their tree, towering in the corner, was covered in tinsel and shiny crackled glass balls. Peach and maroon poinsettias adorned each window, the fire roared, and Frank Sinatra lulled them all into a calm Christmas-inspired stupor.

“Look who’s here!” shouted Jack, and the room erupted in jubilation when they saw Aksel, now blushing at all the attention.

“Tonny, my man!” yelled Brian as he approached Tonny with an extended hand. “How goes it?”

Tonny watched Jack and Aksel amble into the crowd as Will dropped their gifts with the rest under the tree. “It ... goes,” said Tonny, shaking Brian's hand and grimacing at the absurdity of these holiday parties hosted by Jack. This was the third one he had attended and they became more and more lavish each year.

“I am so excited about my Secret Santa gift. I have to tell you what it is,” Brian said in a whisper, leaning towards Tonny. He kept his voice low to avoid detection. Jack was particularly cruel to participants who divulged their Secret Santa name before the party.

Tonny looked at him, puzzled.

“It’s an Erector set," said Brian, "like a real metal one, not a cheap plastic one. Probably sharp as hell for someone his age, but it’s perfect. I can’t wait for him to open it!” he whispered. His elation was infectious and Tonny had to laugh at the man’s excitement over whatever the hell he was talking about.

“That’s great, Brian,” he nodded, patting the man’s shoulder. “I need to talk to Will, okay?” He turned and simply walked away, leaving Brian suspended in mid-conversation and shaking his head, but smiling.

“Hey, Tonny!” a woman called, and he turned to see Beverly smiling and walking to him. “Give me a hug! I haven’t seen you since the last Christmas party!” She wrapped her arms around him and he hesitantly hugged her back. “You need to talk to Will about that. I feel like he doesn’t come around enough! He only worked those four cases last year. We never get to see you and Aksel!”

“Yeah, we're busy. I’ll tell him what you said,” smiled Tonny, still trying to work his way towards Will.

“I have to say ... my Secret Santa this year? So much fun. Oh my god, you have no idea. I got him a forensics kit. It’s amazing. He can lift fingerprints, it has a really neat UV pen and invisible ink, and all sorts of other really neat stuff. I’m so excited,” she said quietly, nervously glancing at Jack who was still preoccupied with Aksel.

“That is awesome, Beverly,” he said, backing up, still unsure as to what the hell these people were talking about. “I’m going to talk to Will for a second, okay?”

Beverly was left grinning as Tonny waved and hurried over to Will who was chatting with Bella by a generously decorated table full of finger foods.

“Will, don’t fucking leave me, Jesus,” he whispered as he stole the drink from Will's hand and gulped it.

“That was a rum and coke, Tonny," he scoffed. "And it’s not like you don’t know every single person in the room.”

Tonny licked his lips and peered into the empty glass. “Damn it, rum?” His brow furrowed. “That was weak as shit, Will. Who made this? If Jack made this, he's fucking cheap. And you know I hate parties like this. People keep trying to talk to me.”

Will took back his glass. “Well you do speak English and it’s a party, Tonny. Just talk back to them.”

“Maybe I’ll just go play with Aksel,” said Tonny, scanning the room for their son.

“No, leave him alone. He’s having fun. Go. Socialize. Be something akin to normal. What the hell do you think I’m trying to do?” Will glanced around and nervously fixed the twisted collar of his own shirt.

Ignoring Will, Tonny continued to search the room for Aksel until Alana suddenly made eye-contact and headed toward them. “I fucking hate you, Will,” he whispered and cursed under his breath.

“Tonny!” Alana waved and smiled.

Will patted Tonny’s shoulder and winked before meandering into the kitchen with Bella. Tonny glared at him, annoyed by his abandonment but was suddenly face to face with Dr. Bloom.

“It has been way too long, Tonny! That boy of yours, he is a complete angel,” she said nodding to Aksel. The boy was on the floor by the tree, playing a card game with Jimmy. The pair were both wearing Santa hats that they occasionally sneezed off their heads. The game was working its charm, and Aksel was in hysterics.

“You can thank Will for that,” he said, “He’s really great with him. Teaches him a lot.”

“Oh, but you Tonny, you’re his Daddy! He went on and on about you when I asked him about his day. He said you played with him in the snow – made a snowman and a fort and everything! My dad never did that stuff with me,” she said, still looking at the laughing little boy.

Tonny nodded and sighed, appreciative of the comment but still apprehensive about sharing his gratitude with her.

Sudenly, the chime of a spoon tapping glass gathered everyone's attention. “Folks! Folks!” shouted Jack, “Secret Santa time!”

The group gathered around the tree which was engulfed in a pile of boxes and bags.

“So, I’ll call you up, and you can come get your gift! You can only reveal yourself as the gift giver, _after_ everyone opens their presents, got it?” The group murmured and chuckled at Jack’s insistence on following his very specific Christmas regulations.

“Ok, first up: Will!”

Will stepped up and took the floppy square package. Before he could return to the group, Jack stopped him.

“Take this to Tonny,” he said with a wink. Will was handed the gift he'd bought for Tonny and took it with him as he returned to his spot by the buffet.

“You two open first,” said Jack.

Will and Tonny looked at each other holding gifts in matching paper. The whole room was staring at them as they opened their gifts, both excruciatingly embarrassed to be the center of attention and terrified about the contents of each package.

Tonny chuckled and held up a carton of cigarettes, and Will laughed and nodded at his copy of _Danish for Dummies_.

Will cheeks reddened as he glanced up at Tonny's grinning face. “Thanks, Tonny.”

“No, Will. _Tak_ ,” he corrected, and the room laughed. “And thanks for the smokes,” he said looking into his eyes. 

Will swallowed his embarrassment and avoided Tonny's tender gaze.

“Ok!” shouted Jack, drawing the attention of the crowd back to him. “Next up is … Aksel!”

Aksel hopped up to Jack, his impatient fingers waiting for a present. “Which one?”

“All of them, big man,” he declared and Aksel radiated with delight.

Will's mouth dropped open as he and Tonny scanned the mountain of presents. Aksel turned to Will who was still awestruck and the man nodded his approval before his son excitedly tore into the gifts and room rejoiced. 

Will leaned toward Tonny, his voice a whisper. “Does the truck still have a tarp in the back."

“Yup.” Tonny chuckled, staring at the pile of toys they'd be leaving with. “These people ... your _friends,”_ he corrected, “They really love Aksel, don’t they?”

Will nodded and quietly wrapped his arm around Tonny’s back. "They really do, Tonny. They'd do anything for him," he said, staring at his son, "We love him more than life itself."


	15. Safety net

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Star

Thousands of stars – no, millions – no, _billions_ of stars flooded the sky. It was as if the heavens had opened up just for their pleasure. The velvety black was painted with flickering drips that twinkled above them like a moonlight-dappled ocean and all the world was silent except for this realm above them which seemed to sing a sweet symphony only they could hear.

“What do you think?” asked Will, from the blackness.

“It’s … beautiful, Will,” said Tonny, laying beside him. He was shocked by the deepness of his voice within in the silence.

“Really? I thought you’d complain about freezing your ass off,” chuckled Will.

Tonny could hear Will’s smile in his voice, though he couldn’t see it in the darkness, and it relaxed him. “I _am_ freezing my ass off. But this is more important, I think.”

They gazed into the sky, lying in a small glen surrounded by trees.

“How do you see this stuff?” asked Tonny, turning his head towards the darkened mass of the man sprawled across the ground beside him.

“What do you mean?”

“How do you notice these things?" Tonny sighed. " I just don’t see them like you do. When I think of the night, I see nothing. I feel cold and alone. When you think of the night, you see this,” he said, gesturing towards the open sky.

Will exhaled as he thought. “This is a rarity for me, Tonny. I normally just see the cold nothingness too.”

“But it’s more than that, Will. You can describe what an apple tastes like without saying _it tastes like a fucking apple,_ ” said Tonny, turning his gaze back to the sky.

Will chuckled. “I don’t know. Sometimes noticing little things like that, it’s just my inability to stop analyzing everything. That and having an extensive vocabulary,” he chuckled. “As for seeing the stars ... it’s more about just being aware of what’s around you rather than what’s inside you.” He paused, reflecting on his own fight between reality and his unconscious mind. “I feel constantly flipped into hypervigilance and it’s exhausting. Sometimes when I get lost or confused in a moment like that, I just look up, I guess,” he confessed, staring at the stars. “I feel like I spend so much of my time worrying, obsessing, and scrutinizing, that when I get home I just feel like I can’t do it anymore and I shut down. Those are the times that I just look for something – anything – to help me ground myself so I can stop internalizing everything that haunts me.”

“Sounds painful,” said Tonny, and Will mulled over his word choice.

It did often feel painful. His mind never felt at ease. He relied so heavily on the physical world when he was overcome and in need of comfort. He depended on Tonny being there. Will had built up his safety net, so as not to fall too far inside himself and dredge up his own demons. Tonny was his reliable non-judgemental net.

“Do you know how I found this place?” asked Will.

Tonny shook his head.

“It was right after I moved into the farmhouse,” he sighed, “I didn’t even have my bed moved up here yet and I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up thinking I was dreaming, but I was here.”

Tonny tried to find Will's face in the darkness. “You blacked out?” 

“Yeah. I mean, I’m assuming I did. I had walked all the way out here and I woke up feeling exactly like you said – cold, alone, and trapped. I had no idea where I was or how to get back to the house. I just sat on the ground because I knew dawn was in, at most, four hours, and I didn’t want to wander further away. I wasn’t even wearing shoes.”

Will's memory churned in Tonny's gut, making him queasy. He was suddenly overcome with the terror he felt tracking Will through the woods three years ago. “What did you do?” he finally asked.

“I found a spot on the ground and laid down. Part of me kind of thought I was dying,” he chuckled, “I had woken up so confused and my mind was scrambled, but I really just wanted to go back to sleep. This unbelievable weight fell over me and I had to lay down, so I did, and I saw the stars and just felt … better.”

“When I used to get confused, I just drank,” said Tonny. Will laughed and the sound caught in Tonny’s chest. It hung around, bouncing inside, warming and softening his heart. He’d do anything to hear him laugh.

They lied unmoving once more, again in comfortable silence. “When do you want to head back?” whispered Will.

“I don’t,” sighed Tonny.

Will patted the frozen ground until he found Tonny's hand, lacing their fingers together and nodding in agreement. Though cold and surrounded by darkness, for those few brief moments before reality filtered in, life was perfect.


	16. Montrachet from afar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Presents

“What’s that?” asked Tonny, nodding to the box on the porch as they got out of the truck.

Will shook his head. “I didn’t order anything."

Will unlocked the front door while Tonny inspected the box. “It’s addressed to you,” he said, picking it up, “And it’s heavy as fuck.” Tonny took the box in the house and set it on the island while Will grabbed a knife. He nervously sliced it open and peered inside. Within the box were sixteen carefully packed bottles of wine.

Will pulled out each one and inspected the labels, awestruck by the selection of high-end varieties. “Wow,” he said, his mouth hanging open. “Some of these are insanely expensive.”

“This one says _bastard_ ,” chuckled Tonny.

“That says _Bâtard-Montrachet_ from Olivier Leflaive. Tonny, that is a $300 bottle of chardonnay,” said Will, suddenly realizing who they were from.

Tonny slowly and carefully set it down on the counter and backed away. “Yeah, but who sent them?”

“I don’t know,” said Will, temporarily avoiding that inevitable fight with Tonny. He was staring lustfully at the Montrachet, his mouth watering. “It doesn't matter who they're from because they're here now, and I'm enjoying _that_ oneright the fuck now,” he said, and he turned to the sink to quickly rinse a dirty juice glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t normally add notes, but I had to nerd out for just a second. There is a line in Red Dragon that reads, “ _Graham, who owned almost nothing except basic fishing equipment, a third-hand Volkswagen, and two cases of Montrachet …_ ”
> 
> So the bumpkin, Will Graham, is basically a pauper, save his two cases of Montrachet. He loves it. They are his babies. He’s a fisherman with a love of expensive French wine.
> 
> _Side note: Will gives a bottle of wine to Hanni in Sorbet as a significant step away from their doc-patient relationship on their way to becoming friendly with one another. That’s canon, FYI, but not in my Verse, though obviously, the two have discussed Will’s likes._
> 
> So about the wine I gifted to Will from Hanni — the name derives from the Medieval legend that the Lord of Puligny divided his land between his eldest son (the knight), his daughters (the maidens), and his illegitimate son (the bastard). _Chevalier, Les Pucelles,_ and _Bâtard_ became three different plots within the commune of Puligny-Montrachet.
> 
> So, my Hannibal sends a Montrachet to Will from the Bâtard’s region. After all, Will is living with his bastard son. 
> 
> I wrote this fic and posted it before I found out that this was also the wine Bedelia buys with the truffles which was to eventually bring an end to her and Hannibal's adventures in Italy. She buys bastard wine ... bastard wine to lead the police to Hannibal. Bedelia is amazing.
> 
> Oh, and in case you aren’t privy to American shipping and customs laws, you can’t legally ship wine from France to the US. It would have to be hand delivered. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	17. Stepping inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Reindeer

Will steps out into the snowy white landscape. He is cold, but not uncomfortably so. He walks toward the tree line just down the hill, his belly radiating a gentle heat that warms up his torso and into his face until it flows down to his hands. He listens to the soft crunching of the snow under his boots as he nears the woods. He slowly turns to walk just along the outside edge of the forest, peering past the trees at the orange and brown leaf litter carpeting the ground.

The forest is dense and green and decidedly not wintry. Large wispy ferns have erupted from the ground along the trunks of the trees. Mushrooms line fallen logs and bushes seem to burst with clusters of an unusual variety of bright crimson red berries. It looks like a paradise. A wooded utopia of warmth and comfort and sustenance. Will senses eyes upon his back and he slowly peers over his shoulder to see the immense raven-colored elk stag following him from just inside the trees. He stops and stares, as does the stag.

“ _Hello_ ,” he says aloud, taken aback by the sound of his own voice echoing through his head. The stag huffs and snorts and hooves the ground before turning and walking deeper into the forest.

Will watches it walk away as he slowly and apprehensively approaches the trees. He stops. Should he enter this unnaturally warm world? He smells the humid air wafting from the forest. It is sweet and earthy and it reminds him of fresh wild onions. He hesitates and glances behind him at his house upon the hill. It is surrounded by a blanket of white snow and the sky is darkening above him. A heavy thick snow begins to fall as he turns back to the lush forest, stepping inside.

Will awoke with a start. He'd been leaning against Tonny who was still awake on the couch. He'd passed out from the bottle of wine he’d enjoyed alone, but Tonny was still watching TV. 

Tonny turned to him, having felt him jerk awake. “You ok?” he whispered, pulling Will back into his body with a hug.

“Yeah. Just a … dream, I guess,” said Will, nuzzling back into Tonny's shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“You’re kind of sweaty, Will. You sure it was just a dream?” 

“Yeah. Too much wine and too many movies with Aksel. I’m, uh, dreaming of reindeer now. No worries,” he insisted, still lost in thought.

“Okay, but you’ll tell me if the nightmares come back, right?”

“Of course,” replied Will, “I think I’m headed to bed.” He abruptly stood up and left, leaving Tonny alone on the couch.

Tonny watched him ascend the stairs, tense but deciding to remain unconcerned. He trusted Will. The man shared everything with him now, even if Tonny wasn't always honest himself.

There was nothing to worry about. Tonny was certain.

Everything was fine. 


	18. Poisonous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Mistletoe

“Why the hell did you hang it so low?” yelled Will as they drove down the road in the truck.

Tonny shook his head, holding a smelly miniature schnauzer on his lap. “Would you calm down? She’ll be fine,” he assured. Every few minutes the dog whined and tried to lick Tonny’s face.

“Mistletoe is poisonous, Tonny. It can kill dogs.”

“How was I supposed to know she’d jump up and eat it? She’s fat as hell and old as fuck!” he screamed back.

“Don’t listen to that asshole, Muffin,” said Will, tousling the dog’s fur. "He's a jackass."

“Papa, is Muffin going to die?” asked Aksel from his car seat.

“Great, Will. You’re freaking him out.”

“No, Aks! We're going to take Muffin to the vet. She will be fine.”

“Then why did you say it can kill dogs?” the boy asked.

Will cringed. “I said it _can,_ but not always. It’s not a safe thing for pets to be around because it can make them sick if they eat it,” he answered.

“Is Muffin going to get sick?” asked Aksel.

“I hope not. No. She's fine,” said Will.

They pulled into the vet’s office and piled out. After a grueling two hours at the office, they finally left with the dog to head home.

“Well I’m glad you freaked out, Will,” said Tonny as they walked to the car.

Will grit his teeth. Aksel was passed out on his shoulder. “Shut up, Tonny," he grumbled. 

“Your little fucking trip cost $190,” he said, looking at the receipt. “Good thing I have a job now …”

“I said shut up, Tonny."

“Remember how I said she would be fine?” he prodded with a grin.

“Shut the fuck up, Tonny,” he snapped, and they piled in the truck to go home.


	19. It won't be easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Stocking (I am fully aware that I chose a homograph for this prompt.)

A frigid Tonny stormed into the house at ten o'clock at night, slamming the door behind him.

Will leaned out of the kitchen doorway. “Hey, I just got Aksel to sleep! Quiet!” Tonny glared at him. “What’s the matter?” Will asked. “Something happen at work?”

Tonny shook his head. “I got shit-canned.”

For the last six months, Tonny had been stocking shelves at a grocery store. It was the longest amount of time he'd ever held a job apart from his work on Will’s farm. He hated it, but at least it allowed him to feel like he contributed something to their lives.

“I’m sorry, Tonny,” said Will. He knew how important it was for Tonny to feel useful.

“I fucking hate this shit,” scoffed Tonny, throwing his coat on the floor and falling onto the couch in the living room. “Who fucking fires someone a week before Christmas.” He held his head in his hand.

Will joined him on the couch.“Why did they fire you?”

“I can’t fucking read fast enough. They said I'm too slow and I was screwing stuff up,” he said, still hiding his face. 

“Do you want me to help you learn?” asked Will. "I know a lot of professors, I could find you a tutor."

“Fuck no! You want me to feel more like a kid? Jesus,” he barked.

“Why would you feel like a kid? You're bilingual. You have to learn to properly read English eventually. Adults learn this shit all the time.”

“You have no idea what I’m talking about,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I already feel like a moron, Will. Aksel is learning to read. You want him to think I’m an idiot? I have been here four years and still can’t do it right.”

“He won’t think you’re an idiot. But he might when he realizes later that you never bothered to learn because you were a stubborn shit. What kind of message does that send him?” he asked. Not waiting for an answer, he continued, “It tells him that bettering yourself isn’t a worthy goal in life. It tells him that if it isn’t easy, don’t bother doing it.”

“Nothing about my life has been easy, Will. I’m just tired of trying so goddamn hard and failing all the time.”

“You hated stocking shelves, Tonny. Look at this as an opportunity for you to find something better. After the new year we can start looking for something that fits your personality.” Will watched Tonny's eyes glaze over as he became lost in thought. It worried him. “What are you thinking about, Tonny?”

“I just hate this time of year.” He sighed, finally meeting Will’s eyes. “It’s probably better that I won’t be going into town alone anymore,” he shamefully admitted.

“Don’t say that,” said Will, rubbing his face as he mulled over Tonny’s admission. “You’re doing well, just stay positive. Maybe start going back to meetings.”

Tonny rubbed his face again, moaning through his hands. Every winter it was the same story – pain and frustration. Something bad always happened this time of year. He cursed and sighed and finally dropped his hands, his eyes now glassy and nose running. “Maybe I will go to a meeting ... I don't know.”


	20. Social Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Carols

“What the fuck is that noise?” asked Tonny, looking up from his phone and glancing around the living room. He was listening to a faint muffled, but rhythmic song being sung outside the house.

“Oh no.” Will rushed to the window. “People still carol?” He started to chuckle before stopping with a faint whimper.

Tonny snicked and jumped up from the couch. “What the hell are they doing? And why did they come all the way out here?” he laughed, joining Will who was still peeking through the curtains.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?” asked Will. “I mean, do we give them money?” He looked at Tonny and wrung his hands. He had not prepared himself for something so intrusive.

The carolers were decked out in festively colored clothing and singing  _We Wish you a Merry Christmas_. Tonny was unimpressed. “Think I could pay ‘em to shut the hell up?” 

“No, I'm being serious. What are we supposed to do, Tonny? Go outside? Not?” Will glanced at the light switch. It was too late to turn off the porch light. He ripped off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, racking his brain for a solution.

“Calm down, Will. It’s not the end of the world. Why are you freaking out?”

Sweat beaded on Will forehead. “I don’t like intrusions and I don’t know their intentions,” he stated, turning back to the window.

“Are you going to have a panic attack about Christmas carolers? Will, you are fucked in the head.” Tonny snickered and patted Will like a scared puppy.

Will ignored him, still focused on the carolers who had begun singing _Silent Night._  “Traditionally you would give cider – wassail … I mean, that’s what they used to do. It's probably not applicable now and I think all we have is Aksel's grape juice. Do you think they'd want some grape juice?”

Tonny shook his head and walked to the door, Will anxiously eyeing him. He had a plan and he could see the fear gathering behind Will's eyes. He smiled, winked at Will and opened the front door letting a deluge of barking and snorting dogs rush out towards the carolers. The door slammed behind them and Will's mouth dropped open.

“Problem solved,” said Tonny, and he returned to the living room with his phone.

Will threw open the curtain to watch the scrambling – and now screaming – crowd of carolers take off down the lane, his pack of dogs nipping at their heels. His shock turned to horror at the sight and then the relief broke, causing him to cover his face as he laughed.

When he calmed down and watched the last caroler disappear down the road, he joined Tonny on the couch.

“I can’t tell if that was wildly inconsiderate, really good thinking, or the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me,” he chuckled.

“I’d say, all three,” mumbled Tonny, once again engulfed in his game.

Will grinned and leaned on Tonny's shoulder, still shaking as he laughed, and Tonny was momentarily struck with an overwhelming sense of pride.


	21. Happy Yule!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Christmas tree

“Why do we bring a tree in our house at Christmas?” asked Aksel, peering at his daddy. The pair were re-hanging the dozen or so ornaments that the dogs were continually knocking off the tree.

“Um, I don’t know. Some sort of Jesus thing?” 

“I'll ask Papa,” said Aksel and he took off for the kitchen. Tonny scoffed at Aksel’s immediate dismissal of his answer but since he didn't know, he couldn't blame the kid.

Will followed Aksel back into the living room. “What’s up?” he asked Tonny.

“Fuck if I know; he’s the one with all the questions. He wants to know why the hell we put up a fucking tree.”

“Jesus, Tonny.” Will scoffed at the man's incessant foul language in front of Aksel.

“See, Aks? I was right. Jesus thing.” Tonny continued hanging ornaments.

“What? No,” laughed Will, “I meant … nevermind.”

Aksel looked at them both, even more confused.

“You want to know why we put up a tree, Aks?” asked Will and the boy nodded. ”Well actually, that’s a really good question, but the answer is kind of complicated,” he began, “There are a lot of stories about where Christmas trees come from. Some say the first to decorate trees were the Norse, but they likely decorated branches of evergreens so as not to kill a living tree. The ancient Norse, who lived where Daddy came from around Denmark, believed that the evergreens held a magical power because they were the only plants to stay green in the winter.”

“So we have a tree because it doesn’t die in winter?” asked Aksel.

“Well, not really. The ancient Romans decorated trees too, for Saturnalia. Romans come from Rome – that’s in Italy. Saturnalia was the feast where the Romans celebrated their harvest god, Saturn. Some say _that_ was actually the first winter-time festival and they, like I said, decorated trees.”

“Saturn – like the planet, Saturn?” wondered Aksel.

“Right, sort of. We actually named the planet after the Roman god,” he corrected.

“So we put up a tree for Saturn?” asked Aksel, still confused.

“Well, no, not really. _We_ don't. But Celtic and pagan civilizations in Northern Europe sacrificed to the Norse god, Jul. There winter holiday was named after that god –  _Yule_. Have you heard of a Yule log?” he asked. Aksel shook his head. “Well the Germanic people would actually cut down a tree large enough to burn for twelve days while they feasted and celebrated in the winter.”

“A twelve-day feast, Will?” Tonny narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah, starting – well – today actually, Yule, the winter solstice. It's December 21st ... shortest day ... longest night.” Will looked at Tonny and Aksel, both of them cocking eyebrows.

“But modern trees aren’t that old. Something like, I think, 16th century, and they came from Germany ... again. Trees were brought inside to celebrate the annual _Feast of Adam and Eve_ on December 24. This idea was then, of course, brought to America with German immigrants around the 1700s, but it probably took 100 years or so for the tradition to gain popularity, but by the mid-1800s most people were beginning to decorate trees to celebrate Christmas ...” Will began trailing off.

Aksel and Tonny stared at him.

“We’ll go with the first one. The Danish thing you said,” said Tonny, “Trees come from the Norse, Aks.”

“Okay,” said Aksel and he ran off to play.

“Nice, Will,” said Tonny.

“What? He asked a question. I’m not going to lie. I was just reading about this.”

“He’s four, you idiot. He doesn’t fucking care,” chuckled Tonny.

“How do you know?” he snapped, and Tonny pointed to Aksel who was now driving a Matchbox car over Winston.

“Fair enough,” he acquiesced and headed back to the kitchen to finish dinner.


	22. Sinfonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Music/Movies  
> Hannibal's listing to the Sinfonia from [Part II of Bach's Christmas Oratorio](https://play.spotify.com/user/22xz4n7kpjugn6gfbxnmqpyti/playlist/6v7XRqb43GVMEzLTIYjOrF). He's also cooking [Bûche De Noël](http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/buche-de-noel-recipe).

Hannibal sipped his red wine before returning his eyes to the thick rolled up towel on the counter. He picked up a small bowl of hot sugar water and cognac and gently swirled it, inhaling the sweet, waxy, fermented smell of the cognac. He set down the bowl and slowly unrolled the towel, revealing a flat dark chocolate sponge cake. The still-warm, rich cocoa aroma wafted from the cake as he straightened the towel beneath it. He carefully dipped a brush in the sugar cognac and gently swept the cake with the syrup, watching the liquid soak and penetrate the cake with each stroke.

He retrieved from the fridge a bowl of whipped chestnut mousse which he had earlier prepared, and after a few quick whips with a whisk, he released the cream’s rich and nutty aroma. He poured the mousse over the cake and slowly spread it across the surface. He carefully rolled the cake back up into the towel as Anouk quietly entered the kitchen.

“Good evening, Hannibal. I thought I heard you in here,” she said, her sweet French accent gentle yet bubbly. She smiled at him before pausing to stare at the towel in Hannibal’s hands. “Oh no!” she said, holding her hand to her mouth. “You are making Bûche De Noël!” Her cheeks pinked as she grimaced.

Hannibal smiled at her. “Is it not tradition, now?” he said with a chuckle.

“Well, of course.” She leaned on the black granite countertop of the kitchen island, peering at the cake. “Though I truly did not expect you to bother after last year.”

He smiled at her as he placed the rolled cake in the refrigerator. “There is a reason I did not invite you to help me again, Anouk.” 

She held her delicate hand to her mouth yet again. “I suppose that was an incredibly wise decision,” she chuckled.

“We now have three hours to wait for the cake to chill before finishing,” said Hannibal, “well, before _I_ finish it.” He smirked at Anouk who was still blushing. He gracefully removed his apron and walked around the island towards her.

“You will never let me live that down, will you, Hannibal?” she said, turning towards him.

“Not for a few more years, I don’t think.” He grinned, taking her hand. She placed her hands on his shoulders laying her cheek to his chest as they slowly danced to the music gently flowing through the kitchen.

“Bach,” she remembered, closing her eyes. “His  _Christmas Oratorio._ I love this part.”

“It seemed fitting.”

Anouk relaxed into him. “You have been in an awfully good mood. Have the Christmas spirits finally visited you in the night?” she joked, lifting her head to look at his face.

Hannibal smiled. “Fortune favors the bold, Anouk. And I have been a tad bold. I am curious to see just how fortunate the results of that boldness will be.”

“Well that sounds exciting,” she said returning her head to his chest. They listened to the music float around them before Anouk held back a yawn. “Do you think you will you need me anymore this evening?”

“No. I will be gone for the night,” he said as they slowed to a stop.

Anouk casually stepped away and looked up at him smiling, “Well, godspeed to you and I am off to bed, I think.”

“Good night, Anouk,” said Hannibal as he watched her leave the kitchen. When she was out of his sight, he felt in his pocket for his keys and methodically unlocked the wine cellar door. Smiling with an amused satisfaction over his apparent boldness, Hannibal descended the stairs for the evening to rejoin a guest for their clandestine and all-consuming engagement.


	23. Candy Cane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Candy Cane

“What are we doing here?” asked Aksel, looking around the crowded park. His Daddy had insisted on taking him to this particular park. He said it would be fun. It didn’t seem all that fun.

“Santa, Aks,” said Tonny, looking up from his phone. He pointed his cigarette towards the large white gazebo in the middle of the park mobbed with people. “You can see Santa over there.”

Aksel scrunched up his face. “Why would I want to do that?”

“What do you mean, _why?_ You can tell the fat man what you want for Christmas,” insisted Tonny.

Aksel grumbled. “But I already sent him a letter. I want a Zurg.”

Tonny tried to sound excited. “You don’t want to sit on Santa’s lap? It'll be fun."

“No. I don't want to go over there."

Tonny huffed a snicker and took another puff of his cigarette. “Well, I can’t really blame you, kid.”

“Hey!” hollered a passing man. “You can’t smoke in the park! Do you not see all the kids everywhere?”

“Fuck, fine,” scoffed Tonny, dropping the butt. “Happy?” The man swore under his breath and walked away. “Jesus, the fucking people here.”

“Can we just go home?” asked Aksel, looking up at his dad.

Tonny continued checking his phone. No messages. No calls. No texts. Nothing. “In a minute, kid. I’m meeting someone.” 

Aksel looked around. “Who?” 

“A friend,” he lied. “Hey, I think they're giving out candy canes to the kids that sit with Santa,” he said, pointing at some women with buckets of candy canes just off the gazebo steps.

“I don’t want to sit with Santa,” repeated Aksel.

This wasn't going well. They were supposed to be having a fun little trip, run a few errands, and be home before Will suspected anything. “Do you want a candy cane or not?” he snapped.

“Well, I do,” admitted Aksel, noticing all the other kids with candy.

“Well, why don’t you go tell them to give you one?” He checked his phone again. Nothing.

“I don’t want to go over there alone. You come with me.” The boy pulled on Tonny’s coat sleeve.

“Aks, can’t you do it by yourself?” he pleaded. "You're too old to be making me go with you."

“I don’t want to go by myself!” yelled Aksel and his eyes welled up.

“Fuck, okay! I’ll go with you, but come on, stop crying. Men don't cry. You're a big boy.”

"Papa says I can cry whenever I want. He says he cries all the time, and that it's okay!"

Tonny rubbed his face and moaned into his hands. "Papa doesn't want to cry all the time, Aks. Let's just get some candy, okay?" Aksel nodded and he and Tonny hurried to the gazebo where Aksel picked out a bright blue candy cane. The child was overjoyed to get such a unique prize. He couldn’t wait to show his Papa.

“Okay, kid, come here,” said Tonny. He rushed Aksel away from the mob to a park bench. “Can you sit here and eat your candy cane?”

“I don’t want to eat it. I want to show Papa.”

“Okay, whatever. But just sit here, okay? Here,” he insisted. “On this bench and don’t move, got it?”

Aksel nodded his head.

Tonny looked down at his phone and then glanced around the park until his eyes stopped. “Okay, Aksel, right here, kid. Stay put.” He ran off towards the far end of the park.

Aksel turned around on the bench to watch his Daddy sprinting across the park to the small brick building. He looked down at his candy cane, imagining how excited his Papa will be to see a blue one. He glanced up again. His Daddy was talking to a man in a puffy red coat. He wondered if the candy cane was blueberry flavored or cotton candy flavored. He looked back up to see his Daddy jogging towards him and Aksel sat back down on the bench.

Tonny snuck up behind his son and scooped him up. “Hey, little kid!” he teased, “Whatcha doing out here all alone?!” Aksel giggled and laughed and wiggled in his arms. “Ready to go home now?” asked Tonny.

“Yes! I want to show Papa my candy cane!” said Aksel, now hanging over Tonny’s shoulder.

Tonny sighed, filled with an anxious relief as he secretly and obsessively fingered the contents of his coat pocket. “Sounds good to me, kid. Let's go see Papa.”


	24. Hostility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Decorations

“Hey, Aks, look at all the decorations! Pretty cool, huh?” said Will as they drove around in the truck looking for Christmas lights to enjoy.

Tonny nodded towards the sleeping child. “He’s out, Will. Want to head home?” 

“Isn’t he going to be mad when he wakes up and didn’t get to see any lights? That was kind of the point of all this.”

Tonny pulled out and lit a cigarette. “Probably.” He cracked the window and stared off into the darkness outside the truck.

Will had finally pulled himself away from the farmhouse long enough to do something with Aksel and the whole trip was now moot. “I guess we have a no-win situation here,” he chuckled and then quietly sighed. 

Tonny nodded but was far off and lost in thought.

“You okay?” asked Will and Tonny nodded, still taking long drags and rubbing his chin. “Talk to me, Tonny. Don't do this. What’s going on?” Will pulled the truck over to give him his undivided attention and stared at the man through the dim dome light of the truck.

“I'm fine. Stop making a big deal out of nothing. I’m not doing anything.” Tonny averted his eyes from Will’s accusatory gaze. According to Will, he never did anything right, and just feeling Will's narrowed eyes burrowing into his skull was making his skin grow hot. “What the fuck, Will? Just drive. What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying to you!”

Aksel stirred in his seat.

Will grit his teeth and lowered his voice. “You'll keep your goddamn voice down for fuck’s sake.”

Tonny turned away, grumbling at Will's sharp tone and unnecessary commands.

“Why are you being so defensive?” snapped Will, but he was ignored. “Tonny?” Nothing. Will's heart raced and he held up his hands. “Okay. First thing, you have to admit it. If you're feeling it, you have to tell me,” he stated, attempting to control his voice. “And second, you need to tell me what is bothering you so badly that you feel like you can’t stay sober. ”

Tonny hissed through his teeth. “Stop yelling at me, Will. I haven’t done anything!” 

“Okay, so you haven’t done anything – yet. What is so horrible about me being proactive? I’m not going through another relapse with you, especially when I'm trying to talk to you about it before it happens again.”

“So you aren’t having nightmares?” accused Tonny.

Will took a deep breath trying to stay calm and shifted in his seat. “What the hell are you talking about? Don’t change the subject.” 

“So I’m not allowed to lie, but you can lie to my face whenever you want? I know you’re having fucking nightmares again.”

Tonny’s defensiveness was making him aggressive and as much as Will hated to admit that there was a possibility of him turning violent, he erred on the side of caution and slipped out of the truck. Tonny followed and they both approached each other standing in the headlights, furiously puffing clouds into the freezing cold air.

“How the fuck would you know anything about my goddamn dreams, Tonny? You have no idea what the hell you're talking about.” It wasn't easy to stay calm around Tonny. The man was a powderkeg, but Will was slowly learning how to remain levelheaded when they fought.

“How do you think I know?” shouted Tonny, “When I'm fucking _lucky_ , I sleep in the same goddamn bed as you! _I_ do, Will. _I_ sleep with you. _I_ can hear you talking and screaming and I know what happens when the dreams come back! It’s all the fucking Hannibal shit that’s been going on all month!” Tonny rushed to Will, crowding the man's face, “Don’t think I’m too stupid to figure out that it was your fucking _sugar daddy_ who sent you – what? – $2000 worth of wine?! What kind of asshole does that?!”

Will's blood boiled. “My _what?!_ It was a gift, Tonny! And he doesn't know you're in recovery!” he snapped. He rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses and shook his head, trying to will himself to remain composed.

"He's doing it all on purpose because he's a piece of shit and he's still obsessed with you. And I'm starting to see just how obsessed _you_ are with _him."_

A pricking heat bolted up Will's skin. After everything he'd done for Tonny – the life Will gave up, the time and energy he spent keeping Tonny clean and healthy and their child well cared for – this bastard had the audacity to make wild accusations. A burning rage filled Will's chest and his mind dulled. “That was uncalled for," he growled. "This is a new low, Tonny. Even for you!” His hands cracked against Tonny's chest, shoving him out of his face.

Tonny stumbled backward, tripping over his feet before landing in the gravel at the side of the road. His stared, shocked and overwhelmed by Will’s sudden physical hostility. It was that horrible night on the bridge all over again. He slowly regrouped and stood, sucking on his cigarette.

“Even for me?” he scoffed. “What the hell does that mean?” He nervously ashed his cigarette on the ground and tried to look at Will.

Will refused to speak. The disdain dripping from the man's face made Tonny's lip curl and he rushed back at him. “Huh?!” he shouted, pushing himself back in Will’s face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! _Even for me?”_

Will turned his face toward the truck and away from Tonny’s belligerence, huffing through his teeth to calm himself down. “Nothing. Forget it.” His hands rose. “Back off, Tonny.”

Tonny gulped back his anger and stepped away.

Through the windshield, Will could make out the faint outline of Aksel's sleeping body and he momentarily closed his eyes, shaking his head. “This isn’t about me," he said. "You need to tell me what's going on right now.”

Tonny sighed and cursed, still slowly backing up and out of the beams of the headlights. “I hate this time of year. Goddamn it ... Why is everything so shitty all the time?” He knelt down at the side of the road and held his face in his hands. “I fucked up, Will,” he finally said, refusing to look him in the eye. He sucked on his cigarette but nothing would calm his nerves.

Will's gut churned. “What did you do?” 

“I don’t want to tell you because you’re gonna be fucking pissed.”

“Tell me, Tonny.”

Tonny rubbed his face and sniffed his running nose. “I met my dealer yesterday.” He finally glanced up at Will gauging his reaction. 

Will’s eyes widened and he stepped closer.

Tonny held up his hands. “I didn’t get dope though, ok?” he hastily reassured. “The guy only had coke, so I just got a little, and I haven’t even used it yet.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Tonny … _yet?_   What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“No, not … I didn’t mean it like that.” His eyes pleaded with Will to not hate him for this. He shook and sobs welled up inside him. He nervously groped for the right words to say to make any of this understandable. “I just feel better when I have some on me, ok? I’m less anxious.”

Will shook his head. “And when the hell did you meet your goddamn dealer?”

Tonny remained silent and Will thought for a moment before the realization developed.

“You sick fuck,” he mumbled. He started to approach him but stopped. “You are a disgraceful piece of shit, Tonny. You got it when you had Aksel?!”

He wanted to kick gravel in his face. He wanted to leave him on the side of the road and never look back.

But he didn’t.

Will covered his face with his hands and turned towards the road.

Tonny choked back a sob and stared at the edge of the asphalt, barely illuminated by the headlights and the rushing traffic. “I’m sorry, Will. I fucked up. I know I fucked up.” 

“You are going back to NA tomorrow,” said Will, staring back inside the windshield at Aksel.

“But it’s Christmas tomorrow.”

Will dropped his hands and tiped his head, staring at the black abyss hovering over them. “Are you arguing with me about this? You bought drugs when you had my son and you stashed them in my goddamn house again.”

Tonny conceded, emphatically nodding. “Okay, Will. I’ll go. I promise to go tomorrow. Okay? I promise, Will. I'll go.”


	25. NA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Holiday Party

“My name is Tonny, and I’m an addict.

“It’s been ... two years since I last used, but it’s been seven or eight months since I’ve come to a meeting. I never share very much because I don’t really like talking about my life. I’m going to today because I need to say some stuff. I owe someone.

“This time of year is really hard for me, and I just fucked up a couple days ago. My friend said I needed to come here today to deal with it before it gets worse ... so I came.

“When I first came here five years ago, I was only in the States for ... three months before I found my first dealer and that was a really really stupid fucking decision that I regret every day. I ended up getting someone I care about – my friend – to use with me and I’ve hated myself ever since. I don’t feel like I can make amends to him, or even tell him about all the terrible shit I’ve done in the past, because I can’t even forgive myself for any of it.

“I was told by his doctors that the drugs we took didn’t cause any of his problems but it was the night we used that my friend got really sick. It got worse from there, until he was in the hospital in a coma for three days. Those were the worst days of my life and I’ve been to prison twice.

“It took me a long time to accept that he didn’t hate me for what happened, but the truth is that I hate myself enough for both of us. I know I don’t deserve him and I know he doesn’t love me, but I know he loves our son. I just feel guilty that he thinks he has to stay with me to keep our son in his life. I know he worries about me using again. He questions where I go and why I take so long to get shit. He calls and texts me all the time when I’m alone, pretending to want to talk. He doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn’t trust me, and he can’t because I do stupid shit when I’m alone. I can’t even trust myself to not do stupid shit around my son.

“We’ve been – I guess, together – for over four years and we’ve never said that we love each other, and I think it’s starting to bother me. It doesn’t really bother him though so I’m not sure we will ever say it ... fuck, maybe it’s not even true. I mean, the first year I was here it made sense to not say something like that. I was still getting high, he was sick, and we were just fucking around with each other. The next year, things weren’t any better though. He got really depressed when he stopped seeing his, uh ... psychiatrist ... and I couldn’t deal with how that made me feel, so I started using again.

"We tried to work together to get better because we had our son to take care of. I promised I’d come here if he found another doctor. He did, but she wanted to put him on medication and he just didn’t want to take anything. He kept getting more and more depressed and angry. I tried to help him but I failed and by that December, I was using even harder shit just to live, and he said he would never trust me around our son again. But he said that again, a year later. And then again last night.

“I try to do better every year, and I have been clean now for two, so I guess that’s good, but I met my dealer a couple days ago. I just lost my job last week and I guess I was weak and I don’t even know why I bought it, but I did. I told my … the guy I live with what I did, and he sent me here. I just wish I could get through this on my own, but I’m too fucking weak. Will got through his depression on his own, but I just fail every time I try to kick this shit. I know it's not an excuse, but I have these two huge goddamn secrets weighing on me that I can’t talk about with anyone. They are fucking killing me. I think getting fucked up helps me forget how bad it all really is – how bad of a person I really am. I've only told my friend, Will, one of my secrets and I think it weighs on him too. And that really fucking sucks because I don’t want to add more shit on top of what he already has to deal with.

“But I think it’s getting better – except for my fuck-up a couple days ago. I didn’t use though because Will stopped me, but I’m really afraid that he’s gonna wake up one day and realize he’s too ashamed of me to keep doing this. I’m afraid for my son the most, though, because the day Will decides I’m not worth this shit anymore, he will have to kick my son out along with me.

"I can’t raise my boy alone and Will is a way better father than I’ll ever be. Aks doesn’t deserve to lose him either ... Will has to feel so fucking trapped with me. I know I do, and I don’t know how to change any of it.

“I think I have to go now. I’m not going to stay for your party after the meeting. I just wanted to share and get home before my son goes to bed. Thank you for listening and, uh, Merry Christmas.”


	26. Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Snowman

  
  


* * *

  
  



	27. Feeling sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hot chocolate

Tonny sulked into the kitchen haven spent an hour trying to put Aksel to bed.

“How’s he doing?” asked Will.

“He wants some hot chocolate now,” sighed Tonny, heading to the fridge.

Will pulled out a canister of powdered cocoa from the cupboard. “Use water, not milk.”

Tonny scoffed at Will’s tone and turned to the sink instead, filling a mug with water.

Will ignored him. “Poor guy,” he sighed, “But I guess it’s hard for the shepherd to stay healthy when all your goddamn sheep have colds.” He smiled at Tonny but the unresponsive man just carried one.

Tonny's head was stuck in an anxious fog and the last thing he needed was to snap at Aksel when the boy was just sick and uncomfortable. “He said this would be like medicine so I hope he’s right.”

Will half-heartedly smiled, his eyes still mournful from the events of the last week. He slowly finished preparing the hot chocolate, secretly eyeing Tonny with every stir. The last few days had been an awkward situation for them both.

“I brought down the old baby monitor,” said Tonny, handing Will the monitor he'd brought down from the attic. “I told him you would hear him if he needed you. Can you stick in it your room?”

“Sure,” said Will, forcing a smile and he traded him the mug. The specificity of Tonny calling it _Will’s room_ was not lost on him and it gave him insight into how badly Tonny was feeling about the current state of affairs. “Good luck,” he said and he squeezed his shoulder as Tonny moved past him. Tonny swallowed and briefly nodded to him and ascended the stairs of the farmhouse.

“Hey, kid,” he said, sitting down on Aksel’s bed. “Here’s your _medicine_.”

 _“Thanks, Daddy,”_ he replied.

Will sat in his bedroom, listening to Tonny and Aksel on the monitor.

 _“How are you feeling?”_ asked Tonny.

 _“Okay, I think. You know, Daddy, my_ umidifier _has white smoke,”_ Aksel stated matter-of-factly.

 _“Oh yeah, I see. But that’s actually water, not smoke,”_ whispered Tonny.

Aksel ignored him. _“You know, Daddy, there is black fog. It’s made out of molecules and carbon dioxide.”_

Tonny chuckled. _“Did Papa tell you that?"_

 _“Yep, and did you know you can’t see through fog? It doesn’t really matter if the smoke is white or black, even if you use a telescope you can’t see that far away.”_  Aksel slowly sipped his hot chocolate with Tonny’s encouragement.

 _“Wow, that’s neat. Fog can be pretty thick – hard to see through,"_ he said, yawning.

_“Yep, and speaking of black and white things, I watched The Lord of the Rings again and did you know that Saruman has a nickname?”_

_“Oh yeah? What is it?"_ he asked, smiling though his eyes drooped.

_“Ketchup. Because he really likes tomatoes.”_

Tonny laughed. _“I didn’t know that about Saruman. When did you watch the Lord of the Rings again?”_

 _“With Daddy, while you were at your meeting,”_ said Aksel slurping his cocoa.

Will could hear Tonny sigh and it broke his heart.

_“Daddy?"_

“ _Yeah, kid?_ ”

_“Did you know that there are three Aksels? There is me, and Super Aksel, and Transformer Aksel?”_

_“Wow. That’s a lot of Aksels. Too many for me to handle,”_ he said sadly. _“Who is Transformer Aksel?”_

 _“He is a Hobbit that works for the Octonauts. And listen, he has a sword named StingRAY!”_   He beamed.

In the bedroom, Will was laughing at his comment and trying to let his love for the little boy mend this rift between him and Tonny.

_“That’s amazing, kid. Does it work like the real Sting?”_

_“Yep, but it has a nickname too. They call it Lionfish because it has barbs like a lionfish.”_

_“Makes sense,”_ said Tonny, nodding. _“You think you’re ready to lie back down? ”_ Askel must have said yes because a few minutes later, Tonny crept into Will’s old bedroom.

“He’s pretty talkative, maybe the hot chocolate’s working,” he said as he sat down on his side of the bed. He looked down at the floor in thought.

“You ok?” asked Will.

“Maybe. Are we though?” he asked, unable to make eye contact. “We haven’t really talked, you know – just the texts.”

“I know ... fucking Christmas.” Will shook his head. “I’ve kind of been avoiding actually talking for a number of reasons." He hesitantly reached over and placed his hand on Tonny’s shoulder again, attempting a gesture of apology.

Tonny inhaled and closed his eyes at the unexpected touch and a choked whimper escaped his mouth. They hadn't physically touched since the fight in front of the truck and he was missing it. No, he was craving it. He needed more comfort than Will fully understood.

Tonny turned on the bed and looked at Will still staring at him. He leaned over and pressed his lips to Will’s neck trying to fill the gaping hole in his chest. Tonny kissed his skin. He ran his fingers through his hair. Will seemed stiff and unresponsive so he pulled back to look at his face.

“Can we …” he started, choking back his shame for having to ask. “Can we mess around or something?” He was focused on Will’s mouth, unable to make eye contact. His body pleaded with him to share just a little physical relief.

Will shook his head and avoided his piercing eyes. “No, Tonny. Not tonight.” He empathized with the man and winced at the humiliation he must be feeling to have made such a request only to be rejected. Will pulled away from him. “I'm sorry,” he said. “But I need to talk about something.”

Tonny cleared his throat and closed his eyes. The rejection was just as palpable now as it ever was – another blow that emphasized just how fragile and weak he really was. He felt ill, but he tried to listen to Will regardless.

Will rubbed his face, his body now flooded with his own embarrassed. “I can't believe I'm actually saying this …” Tonny opened his eyes and look at him. “I'm sorry I hit you.” 

Tonny studied him, shaking his head.

Will had been obsessively criticizing his own reaction to Tonny’s hostility for the last two days. He worried for his and Tonny’s safety constantly, especially with handguns and now drugs in the house. He recalled the fight again in his mind and attempted to deny that dark out-of-body experience he felt standing in the harsh headlights. The last few days, his mind had been more than a little preoccupied with his blackout. It wasn’t a total loss of time like in the past. He was lucid and present within his mind when it happened, but he felt no control over his body and it scared him. What could he expect next time? How long would it last? Would he watch what he was capable of doing during a blackout? He knew he’d rather pick-up the broken pieces caused by his unknown actions than be forced to watch the violence happen, incapable of stopping it.

Tonny scoffed, “You only shoved me. Don't worry about it, Will. Jesus, it was nothing.”

“No. You don't have to accept that kind of behavior from me, Tonny. We were fighting. I had no right to shove you. I don't even know why I did, but that's no excuse.”

Tonny sighed and groaned at how ridiculous this conversation felt to him. It was only a stupid push and Will was obsessing over it like it made any difference to their already fucked up relationship. “I was being a dick. And you just pushed me, Will. Jesus, don't let that be why you don't want to touch me anymore ...” Tonny’s voice cracked. Everything with Will was such a huge ordeal and he had no way of stopping it before it ballooned out of control.

Will pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “If you’re okay, then I’m okay, too ... but I want you to know that violence is _unacceptable_ to me. I’m sorry I let myself do that.” He looked up at Tonny. He was saying this for Tonny’s comfort, absolutely, but also for his own. Though he wasn't, Tonny felt twice Will's size, and the man was far more muscular. Tonny also had a violent past that Will had always feared would resurface eventually. “Anger, I understand, Tonny. You can get mad and call me whatever you want – scream in my face even – but no physical attacks, okay? In the heat of the moment I know things can get out of hand, but let’s never let it get that far again. I’m sorry I freaked out. Next time I’d prefer we just walk away than do something we’d regret.”

This conversation was disconcerting. Torry racked his brain for answers as to why Will would be saying such things. Tonny would never in his life attack Will, and he would take that pledge to his grave. The last time they physically assaulted one another was in the midst of Will's psychotic break, and Tonny refused to blame Will for any of that.

Tonny hesitantly nodded. “Okay, Will, but I’m sorry you felt so threatened. I wouldn’t hit you; you know that, right?”

Will bit his lip and nodded. “As long as we’re on the same page, Tonny.”

Tonny stood and walked to the bedroom door, his mind now in chaos and his body still aching from Will's rejection.

“Where're you going?” asked Will.

“I think I’m gonna shower.”

Will cocked a half-hearted smile. “Do you want me to join you?”

Tonny thought for a moment before opening the door. “I think I need to be alone,” he said, and he shut the door behind him as he left.


	28. Slipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ice Skating

“Penny for your thoughts, Will!” shouted Jack from across the pond. Will looked up and watched him slipping along the frozen water, attempting to make his way out to Will’s fishing spot.

“My thoughts cost more than that, Jack,” said Will, smiling to himself.

After a few minutes of cursing and slipping, Jack made his way to Will. “Goddamn. I should have brought my skates,” he huffed as he plopped down on a crate across from the hole drilled down into the ice. His pants were wet and slushy from falling. “You do this every winter?”

Will nodded. “Not a fan of the cold?” he asked, handing the pole to Jack.

Jack took it and peered down into the blackness of the opening in the ice. “Summer’s more my thing. A lot _less_ ice to fall on.”

 _“No_ ice, I’d imagine,” said Will, “But then where’s the challenge?”

They sat together but alone in thought before Jack interrupted the silence. “So, you ever coming back? It’s been four, five months now since you’ve even looked in my direction.”

Will rubbed his beard and scratched his neck, thinking. He sniffed. “If you hear from the Ripper, I’ll be back.” Will’s body began sweating at the thought and he pulled down his glasses to wipe off the fog. “Until then, I think I better stay right here.”

“You know, there are others. Worse than the Ripper. We could use you, Will.”

“I’m not available, Jack. My mind’s just not in it anymore. Losing sight of the Ripper, losing my mind, losing my ability to cope …” He shook his head. “Right when I think I’ve got a hold on something it starts to slip or fade or leave. I just can't do it anymore.”

“You’ve still got your friends, Will. Your farm, Tonny, Aksel – we can all be your rocks,” said Jack.

Will looked away. “Did you know Tonny’s using again? At least he's thinking about it, anyway.”

“Shit, Will. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Will paused. “You ever think, Jack, that maybe it’s not worth it?” he asked, looking out over the desolate frozen water.

Jack narrowed his eyes. “What’s not worth it, Will?”

“Maintaining relationships with people.”

Jack scoffed. “Nah, Will. They are the only reason to do anything. They are the people you love. You respect them and want to see them happy. Relationships are always a good thing. They remind us that we aren’t alone and that we don’t need to be afraid.” Jack smiled. The man’s eyes were pained with his own grief, and he was growing worried with Will’s cryptic concerns.

Will pulled out a flask of whiskey and sipped it. He offered it to Jack who politely refused.

“It’s coming back, Jack,” said Will, looking the man in the eyes. “I can feel it.” He tapped his temple. “The storm is brewing in my head again. It’s all tangled and messy. Hot like a fever.” He bit his lip and looked back into the fishing hole. “I can’t stop it and Tonny knows something’s up. And he’s using, or at least he will be soon. Another relapse with him and then me in some kind of hospital again …” He shook his head, trailing off. “When it all happens, Jack … I’ll need you to take Aksel. Will you do that?”

Jack’s eyes widened. “Will, don’t even think that. You guys have gone through far worse. You can get through this, too.”

Will sighed, ignoring Jack’s attempt at comfort. “Will you and Bella take Aksel, Jack?” he asked again, leaning towards the man.

Jack paused and noted the desperation in Will’s eyes, but not his voice. “Always, Will.”

Will nodded, satisfied.

“What’s going on?” asked Jack.

“I don’t know yet. But something big,” he said, looking down into the icy abyss between them. “I can feel it.”


	29. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Mittens/Gloves

No shuffling feet or footsteps are heard, just rain tapping on the shoulders of a brown wool coat. Eyes occasionally flick up from a book to peer down the dark, empty street as they wait. Nothing but puddles and stray cats. The book is old and hard to read while wearing gloves. It's even harder to read with such little light as the lamp posts are dim and foggy. Then a cold surge of air rushes from behind, a tight grip forming around the neck. Fear floods the body and the eyes dilate.

A smell fills the air around the face and mouth. It is bitter. It is cold, and the mouth gags when the pressure increases. Panic tightens muscles and terror fills the air with muffled, choking sobs. 

Different gloves, soft and cold, gather near the ear and as the leather tightens, a muted crinkle drowns out a breath of air.

When the hands fall still, a voice fills the ear – deep, dark, and sultry. It is calm, but it is haunting, and it whispers from the air behind the head.

“Do not speak," it says, "You will not move. You will stay calm. You will stay quiet. Just ten more seconds.”

Feet slip in mud. Clawing hands grasp and wrench at a leather coat. Arms thrash as the body attempts to escape, but it's thrown down and pinned to the wet ground.

“You're beginning to feel flushed – can you feel it? The engorging in your face?”

Warmth gathers in the cheeks and brow, sweat on the temple. Fingers can't grip and the air is stagnant – the lungs are stagnant. The throat is squeezed and collapsing.

“Your jugular, deep in your neck – can you feel it? The pressure building?”

The heart races. The mouth gapes. Eyes roll and crane to look, but they stop. The pulse slows. The body grows sluggish and the mind dulls.

“Your blood return is being hindered. Shhh … stay calm. You don't want to fight me.”

Heat builds in the head, in the ears, behind the eyes. Hands paw – one final attempt – but fail and fall aside.

“Your carotid narrows, reducing flow to the brain. Can you feel it? Do you feel the lightheadedness? Do you feel your slowing blood?”

The head relaxes and the feet fall still and go limp.

“Is your heart still pounding in your chest?" whispers the voice, "Is it still fighting? Your body is giving up. Do you see the darkness? It's coming for you.”

Dense grey clouds drift across the eyes, the voice fades into the night, and the tapping of rain is all that remains.


	30. Hallowed common ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: New Years Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> calmwave, Your sweet comment a few days ago prompted me to expand this chapter from 800 to 3700 words. Consider it an apology in advance. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading. — joanielspeak

“I think want to learn to cook,” said Will. “I mean really cook.”

Tonny scoffed, “Why? You cook fine now.”

“Yeah, but I want to expand my palate and my abilities. Try something different. Jack and I had a discussion a couple days ago about how we always felt mentally stimulated after–“ He paused before deciding there was no reason not to share. “After one of Hannibal's dinner parties. The food he made was always so intense and extreme. It's something I miss.” He paused again now wondering, “How do you learn to cook anyway? I don’t think I’d want to take a class.” Still thinking, he looked at Tonny. “What about you? Have a resolution for the new year?”

They had just finished dinner and the two of them were cleaning the kitchen. Tonny thought about the question, gritting his teeth at Will who had so casually mentioned missing Hannibal. His body tensed but he attempted to stifle his rage, relatively unsuccessfully.

“I think I want to stop being so worthless,” he said. He took a long drag of his cigarette, and dropped a stock of dirty plates into the sink. 

Will jumped at the crash and looked at Tonny, realizing that the somewhat decent day they had yesterday was all for naught. He bit at Tonny’s antagonistic bait all the same. “Why do you feel worthless, Tonny?” he asked, disheartened but also annoyed by this comment.

“My whole life feels like a waste,” he began. “I can't keep a job. I'm an addict. I had to stop drinking. Both my parents hated me. I have no friends here and the friends I had in Denmark were not really friends.” He stopped, though he could have continued. “I've made so many terrible fucking choices in my life. I feel like it's all going to catch up to me and I really don’t want to be that person anymore.” His eyes fell to the floor, his rage lessening as a exasperation gradually enveloped him the more he spoke. “I want to have actually done something with my life instead of just fucking up everyone else’s.”

Will scratched his face nervously and listened. “You made Aksel. He wasn’t a mistake and he means more to me than life itself.”

“What the fuck, Will? Making Aksel was the easiest goddamn thing I’ve ever done in my life. I just fucked a whore that didn’t make me pull out.” He sneered, lighting a cigarette. “He has nothing to do with me as a person, and you have no idea how much I failed him, too. Thank god he won’t have to suffer for the shit I’ve done.” 

Tonny continued sucking on his cigarette, leaning against the counter, building his courage to continue. “What I don’t get, though, is why the hell you are still with me,” he said. “I mean, I got it in the beginning, it was nice to fuck around with someone. I was using coke and your brain was all fucked up, but why now? Why did you keep going? Other than sometimes making each other laugh, we have nothing in common, Will. We hardly even fuck anymore.” He finished his smoke and lit a second from the butt before throwing it on the pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

Will rubbed his forehead, cringing at his bluntness. What Tonny was saying was absolutely true. Will also felt the distance growing between them. Their relationship was dwindling, but he wasn’t certain he was ready to move on. 

“Look, what does any of that matter?” said Will. “So we don’t like all the same things, so what? We just have different tastes.” Will was never good with change. He fought it anytime it threatened to overtake his life. “We were happy once. Weren’t we?” he asked, grasping for anything to stop this fight.

“We survive on jokes and our love of Aksel. What happens when Aksel leaves, or we stop laughing, Will? We aren’t really laughing now. I know I’m not.” Tonny’s eyes misted as he stared back at Will. He wanted to feel appreciated by Will, but the man gave him nothing.

Will had no argument. “You're right, Tonny. I mean, we don't have anything in common, but I don't think that makes us inherently incompatible. We each bring something different to the relationship, something the other person can't or doesn't want to offer,” he said. It sounded okay to him. 

“Oh, this is a  _relationship,_ Will? There’s a fucking first,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “And what you just said, that's all bullshit. You offer stuff. You offer shit that I don't even know _how_ to appreciate. And most of the time I don't want to or I don't care. I can't make myself care about politics or music or books like you. And one day my stupidity – the shit that makes you laugh – isn't going to be enough for you.” Tonny stopped and took a deep breath. “What the fuck do I offer, Will? I can babysit and feed the fucking dogs.”

Tonny was getting angry at himself, finally saying everything that had been building within him over the last three years. It was cathartic, though heart-shattering. “You are so fucking far above me, Will, you can't even see me. You have this idea of what you want me to be, and I'm never going to live up to it. I never live up to what people want out of me.” He silently begged for Will to defend him. He silently pleaded for Will to tell him he was worth something – anything – to him. “When Aksel gets hurt, who does he go to?” he asked, “Not fucking me. When he has a question, he already knows I don't have the answer, and he’s four, Will. I don’t offer you shit, except a son so you can play fucking house.”

Tonny’s shoulders slumped, his eyes emptied of all feeling, and he sighed, sending pangs of heartache through Will’s chest. The man had nothing more to say so Will was left scouring his own mind for the truth as to why they were still together after three of the most painful years of his life. Aksel couldn’t be the only reason. 

What was more disconcerting to Will was that he had somehow let Tonny’s self-esteem crumble to dust without noticing just how despondent the man truly was. “I'm sorry you feel that way, Tonny, I had no idea. I know you have issues you’re working through, but that doesn’t make me somehow above you.”

“No, you’re not above me, you’re right. You're in a totally different world – one I'll never fucking get. You were born in that world, Will. I couldn't find that world with a goddamn map.” Tonny anxiously puffing another cigarette.

Aksel suddenly wandered into the kitchen. “Papa, can I have some ice cream for dessert?” he asked, oblivious to his parent’s conversation. Tonny grit his teeth and stared at the floor as he, once again, watched his son addressed Will instead of him.

Will composed himself and nodded, feigning a smile. “In a bowl or a cone, bud?” 

“Cone!” the boy declared with a jump, and then ran back into the living room.

Will sighed and retuned his attention to Tonny. “What do you want to do then? I'm not going to argue with you. I’m done arguing.”

Tonny looked up, chewing his lip, as all his fears were finally confirmed. Will wasn’t going to defend him and he never would because there was nothing worth defending. He was the worthless addict he knew himself to be and he wanted it all to end right there, in Will’s messy farmhouse kitchen.

* * *

Will had been sitting on the edge of his bed for an hour, still fully clothed, still in pain, and still mourning his loss. It was long past midnight and he was lost and afraid for what the future would hold for his splintering life. He glanced around his room, but this wasn’t a safe and loving space.

His life with Tonny was a clever but useless facade. He leaned on his knees and rubbed his head. _“What am I supposed to do?”_ he whispered. He repeated the words over and over again, but no answer came.

He was going to lose them both. He was going to lose his son and there was nothing he could do about it. He choked and moaned and pleaded with the universe to stop this, to tip the earth, to destroy the sun, and when it didn’t, he closed his eyes and wept. 

He wept for the years he’d never spend raising and loving his son. He wept for the man he would no longer share his heart or his home with. He wept for the memories that were all he’d have left of this life. He cried for the families he read about in police reports. He sobbed for the victims of the appalling crimes he relived in his broken mind. He grieved for Bella’s diagnosis and Jack’s unspeakable sorrow. The world was a cruel and unjust place, too full of pain and torment to have ever been once called beautiful.

He slid off the bed and onto his knees, unable to control himself as his anguish bubbled up and out of him. He was a sobbing empty shell of a man, a grief-stricken pariah in a person suit. He was filled with a black desolate void – a starless abyss and it was a woeful purgatory built just for him within which he was forced to slowly and painfully dissolve.

He didn’t hear the dogs whining. He didn’t hear the door click or push open. He didn’t hear the boots stop and hesitate just inside the room. But he felt a hot presence sit down on the floor next to him. The smell of cigarette smoke burned in his nose. A warm hand grasped his wrist and his arm was slowly lifted and draped over equally warm shoulders. 

A rush of blood flooded his head as he was lifted to his feet. Hands steadied him as he stumbled forward on his painfully tingling legs. A cold chill bit at his skin as his sweat-soaked shirt was pulled over his head. The loud clunk of a belt hitting the floor resounded through his dark bedroom. And then the sweet relief of a bed rushed to his aching head. Cool sheets soothed his burning eyes and dried his tear-streaked face. Soft pillows cradled his aching neck and back as he sighed, enjoying this tender reprieve.

The hot hand brushed wet hair off his face and he slowly opened his eyes. It had been four years and the man still warmly smiled at him through his own sadness and heartache. Will gazed at him, his mind still a cloudy dysphoria. An arm slid under his neck and pulled him into his chest.

“I feel like we should be drunk,” the man whispered, and Will grinned. The smile pulled at his tight cheeks and felt painfully awkward considering the hardship they were both enduring. “Are you just gonna fall apart every time I leave? Because this shit’s gonna get annoying.” He fished his wallet and keys from his pocket and dropped them on the floor.

“It was my plan all along,” sighed Will, as he nuzzled the man’s chest.

“That’s even sounds like some shitty fucking thing you’d do, you bastard,” he chuckled, finally finding his cigarettes and lighter which he tossed on the nightstand.

There was a long pause as they both listened to and felt the other’s heartbeat.

“What do you want to do, Will?” whispered Tonny, as he kissed the top of Will’s head. “Not what we  _should_  do, but what do you  _want_  to do?”

“I want to lay here forever and say fuck the world.”

Tonny grinned. “Ok, after that?” He pressed his face into Will’s hair.

“I know I don’t want to be alone.”

“Me neither,” said Tonny, running his fingers up Will’s arm.

Will bit his lip. “You wanna stick around then? Maybe be  _not alone_  with me for a little bit longer?”

“I could probably do that. For a while anyway. ‘Til we figure this shit out,” said Tonny.

Will nodded and rolled onto his stomach, looking into his eyes. “Why’d you come back?”

“Besides the fact that my kid’s still here and it's only been like – what? – five hours?” he laughed.

Will chuckled and blushed, “Yeah.”

“I can’t leave you, Will. I don’t think I know how to. You’re like … a diseased arm I just can’t bring myself to chop the fuck off,” he teased.

Will laughed and buried his face in Tonny’s chest. “That was a beautiful simile, Tonny, thank you.”

Tonny chuckled and tousled Will’s hair. His laugh slowly subsided as Will laid back down on his chest. “I came back because this is where I want to be, Will. I don’t know … I didn’t mean to leave like that or say that shit to you. You’re just trying to help me. I’m not okay with a lot of shit between us, but we have time, right? We can work on it?”

Will nodded as he teared up. “We have time. Plenty of time.”

Tonny paused for a moment and bit his lip. “And also … the bike ran out of gas. So … I need to borrow twenty bucks and then I can leave again if you want,” he chuckled, pulling Will into him.

Will laughed and groaned as he shook his head. “You really do suck at thinking ahead.”

“Hey, I just picked your sorry ass up off the floor. I don’t want to hear it,” he scoffed, rubbing his cheek against Will’s forehead. “But about thinking ahead … I figure, maybe I should talk to someone, like a professional? As long as he isn’t gonna fuck with my head.”

“Like a psychiatrist?” Will was shocked. “That’s actually a brilliant idea, Tonny. Why the hell didn’t I think of that?”

“Oh shit. _Brilliant?_ Slow down, asshole.”

“I’m not being patronizing, you shithead, it’s actually a really good idea.”

“But I don’t want to see some dick like Lecter, okay?”

“Fair enough.”

“What about you? How do you want to fix whatever you hate about us?” asked Tonny, reaching for his cigarettes.

“I don’t hate us, Tonny, I’m just still dealing with the same shit I always have.”

“What about meds? Maybe try again?” he asked, lighting a smoke.

Will shook his head. “You don’t understand which drugs she was suggesting. I’m not going to be drugged up again, fuck it.”

Tonny sighed at Will’s unwavering stubbornness when it came to antipsychotics. “Okay, Will, but maybe get a second opinion before you say no to everything?”

“I will agree to that,” he said. “Will you stay in NA?”

“Yeah, I will definitely stay in NA.” He and Will passed his cigarette back and forth when a realization hit him. “So, wait. Do we have a plan now? Like a real fucking plan> And neither of us is even bleeding,” he joked.

Will laughed and slowly crawled up to his neck, kissing him and feeling his warmth on his face. Tonny’s spine tingled with each kiss and he rolled Will onto his back, kissing a line up his neck and cheek. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with Will’s sweet, sweaty scent. 

“Why do you always smell so goddamn good?” he whispered, breathing against Will’s skin.

“Ah yes, the smell of desperation and loneliness. I’m sure it’s intoxicating,” joked Will, running his hands through Tonny’s hair.

Tonny smiled and lowered his voice as his hands worked their way around Will’s naked back. “Not _lonely_ anymore, I hope.” His mouth continued exploring Will’s chest.

“No, not lonely. You’re right,” panted Will, as Tonny’s mouth continued licking across his stomach. His arms and legs tingled with each kiss moving down his skin.

Tonny ran his tongue down Will’s ribs, stopping at the top of his jeans. He slowly unzipped them as he looked up at the man staring down at him. Will’s eyes burned as eager as the rest of his body. Tonny groped the denim and what he felt was awakening in him a lust for both Will’s body and his voice.

“Maybe we should talk,” he said. He smirked at Will’s narrowed eyes. “Like about how I used to drink too much.” He returned to Will’s skin, tonguing a nipple to feel the man squirm.

Will snickered.“What are you on about?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to stop everything and talk about something insane like … how about my age? Am I still ten years younger than you?” he teased, running his fingers up Will’s shivering sides.

Will chuckled. “If you are suggesting that I like to ruin the mood …” His mind trailed back through memories, attempting to find a scenario in which Tonny had ever stopped his sexual advances for some trivial or ridiculous reason. There were none. “Uh … nevermind,” he laughed.

Tonny grinned at the sound of Will’s laugh, now rough and gritty from his earlier battle with grief, and continued nibbling his skin. “Remember when …” Tonny stopped and chuckled, shaking his head before he continued. “You remember when you found Winston? And you jerked me off while talking about that fucking dog?” Tonny grinned up at Will who had covered his face with his hands and now trembled with laughter.

“Oh shit,” he laughed. “Okay, yeah, but I did apologize for that.”

“Only after I made a big fucking deal out of it!”

“Well, he’s a good dog!” insisted Will.

Tonny glared at him. “Not  _that_  good, Will.”

“You came, didn’t you?” he laughed.

“Not because of the fucking dog, Will! You’re a sick fuck, you know that?” He smiled and they both continued laughing. “You know all the times when I ask you to suck me? That’s all just to shut you up,” snickered Tonny, waiting for Will’s reaction.

Will sat up, his eye’s wide and mouth dropped open. “Are you fucking serious?” he huffed.

Tonny laughed and pushed him back down on the bed. “Lighten up, asshole.” Tonny finally finished unfastening Will’s pants and he yanked them down his legs, leaving them awkwardly around Will’s knees. He stroked and kissed his thighs as Will, still smiling, thought about life, and love, and dogs, and this moment in time that they were finally sharing, happily together.   

“You know,” Will remembered, “you aren’t innocent when it comes to saying some pretty ridiculous shit at inopportune times. You bring up your exes a lot,” he sighed, as Tonny crawled back up to his neck.

He side-eyed him and scoffed. “What exes?”

“Frank,” said Will hoping to get a rise out of him.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Frank’s not my ex. And when have I ever talked about him while we were fucking?”

“Not when we were messing around, but after Jack’s first Christmas party, we were driving home and you described, in excruciating detail, how he gave you head.”

“What?!” Tonny sat up, having no recollection of this conversation. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“To be fair, you were really drunk. But you went on to describe blowing him, so that was fun to listen to. Thankfully you passed out before you finished … uh, no pun intended,” chuckled Will.

Tonny laughed. “Nah, no way. I don’t believe you.”

“You said he has  _Tonny_  or some other guy’s name tattooed on his dick. That was confusing because your speech had turned into that Danish-English hybrid that’s impossible to decipher.”

He laughed, hanging his head as he realized what Will was talking about. “No, it says  _dit navn._  Means  _your name._  He would win bar bets with it. Like ‘I bet you $20 that I have  _your name_  on my dick’,” he laughed.

Will face fell slack as he thought. “That’s … fucked up ... and genius,” he laughed. “Ok, Frank’s alright. You can keep talking about him.”

Tonny was still chuckling as he returned his attention to Will’s neck. He bit and pulled Will’s ear as he slid his hand farther down the man’s stomach until his fingertips just barely slipped into Will’s boxers. Will’s moaned and exhausted sigh as he ached with an agonizing need for Tonny to keep going.

“So, yeah,” huffed Will through his desire. “you get to talk about Frank’s dick all you want, but I can’t even mention my old psychiatrist without you losing your shit.”

Tonny ignored him because he honestly didn’t have a retort. He couldn’t explain his innate hatred for that man, it was just there, and it bubbled up and out of him every time he heard his name.

“I know you hate him, but he’s still a friend of mine,” began Will, “He helped me through some rough and shitty times, regardless of what you think, Tonny. He’s helped me better understand how I think, and when I was losing my shit on cases he helped pull me back to reality. You might think he’s a dick, but he’s always been dependable and helpful to me.”

“He treated me like shit, Will,” snapped Tonny, looking in Will’s eyes.

“I know, and he’s still an arrogant asshole, but you have no reason to feel threatened by him.” He rubbed his hand across Tonny’s shoulder.

Tiny averted his eyes but there was one question he’d always been meaning ask. “Did you ever fuck him?”

“Are you out of your goddamned mind?” laughed Will. “No, Tonny. We never fucked. Jesus, why the hell would you think that? He’s my doctor!”

“Because you spent an entire year so depressed over him leaving that you couldn’t eat or sleep,” he said, his gaze finally finding Will’s. “And … I found your letters to him.” 

Will froze and his cheeks flushed. He clenched his eyes and held his breath. The contents of those letter were private and intimate and for no one’s eyes but Will’s.

Tonny studied his sweating face. “I didn’t read them, Will,” he said. “I trust you.”

Will swallowed and whimpered before finally opening his eyes. “Thank you ...,” he whispered, fighting back tears, “for respecting my privacy.” He could barely speak. “That means a lot to me, Tonny.” He reached over and pulled Tonny’s lips to his, kissing him with a new unconditional and heartfelt devotion to the man. Will meandered down Tonny’s neck, tasting his skin like it was the first time all over again.

“Hey?” whispered Tonny, breathing in the man’s ear. He pushed back the blankets and continuing to kiss down Will’s shoulder. He broke away, just long enough to pull off his own shirt before returning to Will’s flesh.

Will moaned with every lick and bite. “Yeah?”Will pulled Tonny down, closer to his body.

“I want you in the shower with me right now,” he said between panting breaths and sighs.

Will nodded and they both stood, still overwhelming each other’s skin with touches and licks and tender kisses. Tonny slowly backed towards the door until his back collided with a thump. Will pushing him into the door with each passionately earnest kiss. He pulled away only to briefly speak. “Let’s stick together, okay? And no more lying about anything.”

Tonny gasped as Will’s mouth returned to his neck. He slowly closed his eyes to fully savor Will taking command of his body. “Sure thing, boss,” he said, and they both smiled.


	31. His heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Kiss at Midnight

Will yawned and sighed, his mind finally drifting towards contentment. The man was casually laying on his side, relaxing in his bed, questionably holding an unlit cigarette. His muscles satisfyingly ached from exertion, and the smoke was supposed to be relaxing. Tonny slowly reached over him and dropped him his lighter before stretching out behind him on his stomach. Will gruffly thanked him with a nod and lit the cigarette as he turned to the object of his affection. “I think I want to quit smoking,” he admitted to Tonny.

“Why the hell would you do that?” He smiled back at him, snatching the cigarette from Will and sucking on it. Tonny was looking at him with soft tired eyes, his face tranquil and relaxed.

“Doesn’t the taste ever bother you?” asked Will, rolling over to better view Tonny’s naked body.

“I’m used to it,” he said, handing the smoke back to Will. “And I can’t fucking taste anything anyway.” He flicked the side of his nose with his thumb and sniffed. “Too many years. But I mean, I can probably taste better now than I ever could. Except when I was young.”

“What do you mean?” asked Will.

“When I was a kid everything made me sick – god – like perfumes and girly shit. Fuck.” He sneered and grimaced at the thought. “My mom would have women over and they all fucking reeked of this shit. I couldn’t take it. And then, food. I hated everything. I lived on french fries for about a decade.” He chuckled and reached for an ashtray as he took back Will’s cigarette. “Then I started smoking. It was fucking horrible at first, but then it all got better. That was after I started doing coke though.” He took a long drag.

“Hmm,” pondered Will, “That’s weird.”

Tonny shrugged at him. “Doesn’t matter. And you can quit, but I can’t. Sorry. You only smoke because I do anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But you’re a hell of lot easier to kiss after a smoke.” Will smiled.

“Damn, asshole. Harsh,” he scoffed, blowing smoke over their heads. He snuffed out the half-smoked cigarette and tossed the ashtray back on the nightstand.

Will reached out to Tonny and the two men warmly gazed at each other, both enjoying the sensations of Will slowly running his hand up Tonny’s bare back. Will was savoring the heat emanating from his flesh. He slowly traced his tattoos, redrawing them over and over with his fingers. Will was sleepy and satiated and reflective. He remembered back through the last four years thinking of all the bliss he assumed he had shared with this man and sighed at the thought of how pained Tonny had been feeling through all of it. But if he and Tonny could make it through the horrors of his breakdown and illness, Tonny’s multiple relapses, his depression, broken bones, and shattered hearts, they could make it through anything. They could make it through this. He thought of the affection and happiness Aksel brought to his home. All he knew for certain was that he was so utterly in love with his family he could barely contain it all within his chest.

Tonny was patiently studying Will’s face as the man was lost in memories. His eyes were finally peaceful. His face, though sad, looked mildly content. Tonny momentarily glanced at his phone before he slowly crawled over to him and kissed him with such intensity that Will melted back to the present.

“What was that for?” Will whispered to Tonny, who had since moved down to his neck.

“Happy New Year,” Tonny sighed back, biting and kissing his shoulder.

Will smiled and leaned into him, his hand running up his back, protectively embracing him. He wasn't going to lose him. Tonny was everything to him and he was determined to show him just how much he meant to him. Even if it took all year, he'd finally find a way to prove his devotion to him.

They were both suddenly startled out of their intimacy by a loud knock at the front door and a cacophony of barks and growls from the dogs downstairs.

“Shit,” said Will, throwing back the blanket. “Go get Aksel back to sleep, I’ll get the door. It’s probably Mark. I told him he could borrow gas for his generator.” He hopped out of bed and pulled on a shirt and pants before hurrying to the front door.

“Jesus, stop, shhh,” Will pleaded with the dogs, certain they had already woken Aksel. He pulled opened the door and looked out at two police officers on his porch.

“Uh, can I help you?” he asked, confused. He looked down the hill for any sign of a flipped car on their winding icy road or a downed power line. He saw nothing but the cruisers in their driveway.

“Sir, are you Will Graham?” the older one asked.

“Ah, yeah, what’s this about?” he asked, becoming concerned. His mind raced with thoughts of friends in car accidents, family tragedies, house fires. His heart raced as he thought of the Ripper returning. _Was he here? Where was Jack?_

“Sir, we are looking for Tonny Holm, who we have listed as residing at this address. Is that correct?” he asked brusquely, and Will’s breath quivered.

“Yes,” he whispered, unable to say more.

“Is his child at this residence as well? – His son?”

Will could only nod. His heart was rapidly beating and he felt like he was going to vomit. Behind him, Tonny descended the stairs holding Aksel in his arms. He stopped when he saw the police officers. Looking to Will, he witnessed the horror in the man’s eyes and he had to fight himself from fleeing out the back door. He stood there in intense fear not sure if or when he should move.

“Sir, are you Tonny Holm?” asked the officer, leaning around Will.

“Yes,” he mumbled, and the officers moved past Will and approached him. “Please put down the child, Mr. Holm.” Tonny dropped Aksel to the floor. The boy tried to ask what was happening but no one could answer him. Will dropped to his knees and Aksel ran to him. “Tonny Holm,” said the officer, turning Tonny around and placing his hands behind his back, “you are under arrest for the murder of Fritjof Holm and for the abduction of Svend Olsen. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney and to have an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand what I’ve just said?”

Tonny was shaking his head in disbelief. He looked at Will in shock. “Will?” he muttered, through his shaking breath.

“You-You can’t do this,” insisted Will, barely able to speak above a whisper and knowing he had no defense. “You can’t … Tonny,” he whimpered, as he picked up and hugged a crying Aksel to his chest.  

“Sir, we are going to have to take the child into custody,” stated the second officer to Will.

Will voice broke and his breath became violent. “No,” he pleaded, shaking his head.

“Sir, please put him down.” The officer nodded as she approached Will slowly. “I understand this is difficult, but we do have to take him into custody. You can follow us in your vehicle, Mr. Graham,” she said, slowly and calmly.

Tears streamed down Will’s face as he lowered Aksel to the floor.

“Papa, what’s going on?” the boy cried. A guttural sob escaped from Tonny’s mouth as he attempted to control his terror. Aksel looked at him and whimpered in confusion and fear.

“A-Aks, look at me, bud,” stuttered Will, rubbing his son’s arms. Aksel turned back to him. “These nice people are going to drive you to the police station, ok?” Aksel shook his head and Will held back his own sobs. “It'll be ok, Aks, ok?” he reassured. “Just ride with them. Daddy’s going to come with us too, ok?” Aksel still shook his head refusing, confused. Will quickly dressed the boy in his coat and shoes before the officer took Aksel’s hand and led him outside. Tonny was slowly walked through the door behind his son, his face grimacing in horror and denial.

“Will?” he pleaded again, as he stared at Will over his shoulder. “What do I do?” he gasped, scared and in shock.

Will swallowed back his panic. “Cooperate, Tonny,” he told him, “but deny whatever they say,” he softly replied, paralyzed, staring at the unfathomable scene before him. He stood there terrified as he watched Tonny and his four-year-old son escorted into separate cruisers. It was 12:16 am on New Year’s Day, and Will watched in horror as his heart and family were torn from him and he had no power to stop it.


End file.
